***Uh, oh***
Ever wonder why there have been so many movies and books cautioning us against this very sort of thing? Orwell, Bradbury, V for Vandetta....we all need to wake up and keep our civil liberties intact - before it's too late.
10.06.2008
10.03.2008
Exquisite Visions of Hell
Holy Wow. I discovered the art of James Jean today and I have to say that I'm in awe. I just....wow.....I so wish I could draw like that. It makes me want to die. Which, if you don't know me by now, is a good thing.
More Vomit from the Oriface of Hell
Ugh. As if it wasn't bad enough that I had to wake up this morning in the first place, I had to see these on the bus on the way to work:
These shoes are horrendous. Well, they could potentially be worse, but they suck pretty bad. It's as if someone ate some camo and some Pepto and puked all over her feet. If you can tell from the picture, the shoes are basic canvas slip-ons with an unholy pattern of pink plaid. What makes them really suck though is the odd buckle strap thingie on top. Far from being functional, the gruesome "decorations" has those square studs you find on a Hot Topic emo-kid belt on them, only they're pink. They don't work with the pattern of the material, they don't hold the shoes on, and they don't do much for my eyeballs at 7:30 in the morning.
They would have matched the poor excuse for a jacket that I saw earlier on a middle-aged woman seated across from me on the train. I didn't snap a picture of it, but it was basically a mock denim jacket in pink. Where do I begin? First of all denim jackets are not cute. They may have been popular on tween girls back in the 80s, but that fashion should stay in the grave along with legwarmers. Secondly, instead of being an authentic denim jacket, it was a crude and nauseating imitation of denim. Get it straight people - denim belongs on your legs and ass and nowhere else. Thou shalt not wear denim in jacket form, hat form, shoe form or skirt form - ever. And the most cardinal sin of them all? Overalls. Unless you're 4 years old or a farmer, nobody should even consider a pair of overalls.
Whee. More examples of poorly dressed people next week.
These shoes are horrendous. Well, they could potentially be worse, but they suck pretty bad. It's as if someone ate some camo and some Pepto and puked all over her feet. If you can tell from the picture, the shoes are basic canvas slip-ons with an unholy pattern of pink plaid. What makes them really suck though is the odd buckle strap thingie on top. Far from being functional, the gruesome "decorations" has those square studs you find on a Hot Topic emo-kid belt on them, only they're pink. They don't work with the pattern of the material, they don't hold the shoes on, and they don't do much for my eyeballs at 7:30 in the morning.
They would have matched the poor excuse for a jacket that I saw earlier on a middle-aged woman seated across from me on the train. I didn't snap a picture of it, but it was basically a mock denim jacket in pink. Where do I begin? First of all denim jackets are not cute. They may have been popular on tween girls back in the 80s, but that fashion should stay in the grave along with legwarmers. Secondly, instead of being an authentic denim jacket, it was a crude and nauseating imitation of denim. Get it straight people - denim belongs on your legs and ass and nowhere else. Thou shalt not wear denim in jacket form, hat form, shoe form or skirt form - ever. And the most cardinal sin of them all? Overalls. Unless you're 4 years old or a farmer, nobody should even consider a pair of overalls.
Whee. More examples of poorly dressed people next week.
10.02.2008
Hell and The Fashionista
It seems I hardly blog anymore. I was so focused on Gummi Popcorn for a bit, then I got busy with projects at home. In the morning, on the way to work, is when I get the most inspiration for this blog, but I end up actually working sometimes and then don't get the chance to write. So, the idea gets stale or goes away completely.
However, sometimes they stick because of painful daily reminders - like this one!
I never claimed to be the best dressed person in the world. If I had the money, I would be, but that's not reality. I almost always manage to at least be color-coordinated. All of my cats shed in coordinating colors. I also tend not to buy in to extremely retarded trends like most of the idiots I see walking around out there. So, without further ado, I present, "Fashion Trends That Make Me Want To Choke People":
1. Enormous Bug-Eye Sunglasses. What is the point of wearing sunglasses with lenses as big as salad plates and who decided this looked good? I have a sneaking suspicion that Paris Hilton started this one, which makes me hate it all the more. The vast majority of victims to this awful fashion fiasco are women. Don't these gals realize how ridiculous they look with big, huge fly-eyes on their faces? The funny thing is, these people seem to thing they're ever-so-hot anyway, which just makes me laugh. Sure, it's a disgusted, hateful laugh, but that's as close as I get to mirth these days.
2. Big, Furry Boots. It's summertime/falltime right now. Why are you wearing jean shorts and sheepskin boots that go up to your knees in 80 degree weather? What, your calves get chilly, but not your thighs? Besides, can you imagine what it smells like inside that pair of Uggs? It's hot, your toes are sweaty, and all that sweat is trapped inside a dead animal's skin. Gross, gross, double-gross. This girl actually has a blog about this hideous footwear (which is obviously where I ripped this picture off from).
3. The Half Sweater. Have I bitched about this one before? Can't these people afford the rest of the garment? I could understand if they had knit the sweater themselves and just got tired of it halfway through, but why buy it that way? It's like buying pants that cost $80 that have been purposely damaged. WTF?! Now, I only watch Deal or No Deal when it's on at the gym and that's because it's easier to look at than the time counter on the treadmill. But, Howie Mandel was on Conan a few weeks ago and I was pleasantly shocked to learn that he's got the same aversion to the dreaded half-sweater as I do! Go Howie!! (I believe it was the Sept. 9th show)
I'm out of bitchin' time for now, but trust me, there will be more on this topic. If you're just jonzing for more right now, here you go.
However, sometimes they stick because of painful daily reminders - like this one!
I never claimed to be the best dressed person in the world. If I had the money, I would be, but that's not reality. I almost always manage to at least be color-coordinated. All of my cats shed in coordinating colors. I also tend not to buy in to extremely retarded trends like most of the idiots I see walking around out there. So, without further ado, I present, "Fashion Trends That Make Me Want To Choke People":
1. Enormous Bug-Eye Sunglasses. What is the point of wearing sunglasses with lenses as big as salad plates and who decided this looked good? I have a sneaking suspicion that Paris Hilton started this one, which makes me hate it all the more. The vast majority of victims to this awful fashion fiasco are women. Don't these gals realize how ridiculous they look with big, huge fly-eyes on their faces? The funny thing is, these people seem to thing they're ever-so-hot anyway, which just makes me laugh. Sure, it's a disgusted, hateful laugh, but that's as close as I get to mirth these days.
2. Big, Furry Boots. It's summertime/falltime right now. Why are you wearing jean shorts and sheepskin boots that go up to your knees in 80 degree weather? What, your calves get chilly, but not your thighs? Besides, can you imagine what it smells like inside that pair of Uggs? It's hot, your toes are sweaty, and all that sweat is trapped inside a dead animal's skin. Gross, gross, double-gross. This girl actually has a blog about this hideous footwear (which is obviously where I ripped this picture off from).
3. The Half Sweater. Have I bitched about this one before? Can't these people afford the rest of the garment? I could understand if they had knit the sweater themselves and just got tired of it halfway through, but why buy it that way? It's like buying pants that cost $80 that have been purposely damaged. WTF?! Now, I only watch Deal or No Deal when it's on at the gym and that's because it's easier to look at than the time counter on the treadmill. But, Howie Mandel was on Conan a few weeks ago and I was pleasantly shocked to learn that he's got the same aversion to the dreaded half-sweater as I do! Go Howie!! (I believe it was the Sept. 9th show)
I'm out of bitchin' time for now, but trust me, there will be more on this topic. If you're just jonzing for more right now, here you go.
9.26.2008
Breezy In Hell
First, my new car smelled like new car. I liked it that way until I realized that "new car" really smells like chemicals and plastic. Then, after leaving a coffee mug (that I thought was empty) in the cupholder for forever, my car smelled gross. It smelled like moldy coffee. >gag< Once I threw out the grody coffee cups, my kitty died. So, then my car smelled like dead cat.
But now? Well, ever since I put this thing in:
My car smells like fresh baked cupcakes!!!!!! Which totally fuckin' ROCKS! Every time I open the door, I get a yummy, vanilla-y waft of cupcakey goodness. Oh, God it's fan -friggin-tastic!! <3
But now? Well, ever since I put this thing in:
My car smells like fresh baked cupcakes!!!!!! Which totally fuckin' ROCKS! Every time I open the door, I get a yummy, vanilla-y waft of cupcakey goodness. Oh, God it's fan -friggin-tastic!! <3
9.20.2008
Fresh Hell
Things I'd rather do than be at Dad's company "picnic":
1. Plucking my eyebrows
2. Cleaning the litter box
3. Eating glass
4. Stabbing myself in the eyeballs
5. Giving John McCain a blowjob
6. Categorizing varieties of pocket lint
7. Burning my fingerprints off
8. Wetting myself on live television
9. Teaching Linsey Lohan how to behave in public
10. Having a vaginal infection
1. Plucking my eyebrows
2. Cleaning the litter box
3. Eating glass
4. Stabbing myself in the eyeballs
5. Giving John McCain a blowjob
6. Categorizing varieties of pocket lint
7. Burning my fingerprints off
8. Wetting myself on live television
9. Teaching Linsey Lohan how to behave in public
10. Having a vaginal infection
9.17.2008
IWBIH 8
She sat in front of a row of expensive liquor who's bottles glistened like exotic jewels. The bartender who looked like Pete Wentz handed her a six-toed kitten and a slice of pizza.
9.16.2008
IWBIH 8
...of course the name and phone number were bogus; just for show. The number actually went to an answering machine. If you were meant to get the real message, you knew how to decode the password from the flier. If not...
IWBIH 7
...and it was a good thing too, because Neko wasn't entirely decided on the subject. It could be said that she went both ways, but she was leaning hard to one side lately. She was just about done with them altogether...
9.15.2008
IWBIH 6
...She wondered if, eventually, her hatred for her "fellow man" would consume her and drive her to insanity. Already, a burning anger dominated her thoughts whenever she was forced among the masses. She fantisized about the most efficient ways to thin the population. She needed an outlet, a release, before she lost it completely...
9.11.2008
IWBIH 5
...most of the girls' names she couldn't remember at first. But, one named Alice made an impression right away. It was hard not to notice how beautiful she was, under that spiky red hair and all of the ink...
IWBIH 4
...Neko went to the sink the next morning and spit out a tooth, along with a good-sized chunk of the inside of her cheek. She wondered how people in the movies made getting hit in the head with a two-by-four look so pleasant compared to the real thing...
9.10.2008
IWBIH 3
...being a secret society, The Sisterhood of course had an initiation process. Neko couldn't expand on the details, but it involved getting arrested...
Hell Was in a Movie Last Night (pt. 2)
...The sisterhood was aided, in part, by an ambitious young printer named Max Donahue who ran off propaganda for the girls' clandestine activities on his small letter press. Max had an animal - a crow - in his shop. No one could say that the bird was Max's pet, but it certainly became a mascot of sorts after the robbery...
Hell Was in a Movie Last Night
...Late one night, while vandalizing the windows of a local Rib City eatery, Neko met a blonde woman with dreadlocks. As she would soon discover, this woman - codenamed Spear - belonged to a sisterhood of underground lesbian animal rights activists...
8.24.2008
Hell With Little Wings On
If I was to become some sort of pixie or sprite, I think I would be a tickle fairy. Except, I'd tickle people at terribly inappropriate times - like at a funeral or when they had to pee really bad.
8.22.2008
The Components of Hell
"Self improvement is masteurbation. Now, self destruction..." - Tyler Durden, Fight Club
It's the rain and this afternoon's procurement of Gerard Way's "The Umbrella Academy" that's put me in this lovely mood. And they say I wouldn't love Seattle. I feel like knitting some black, webby garment and watching something haunting. I wish I had Donnie Darko. (I did once, but I threw it away after a particularly painful inful break-up. Stupid. Well, I figured I wasn't going to live too long, so what was the use of hanging onto material possessions?) I feel like painting in blacks and greys so heavy with water, they just drip down the canvas like tears. I feel like creating something subtly disturbing.
After a few martinis, I don't really feel like spending a thousand bucks on a personal trainer was the right move. Eventually, I hope, I'll be rail-thin like I used to be. I miss those days. Funny how you don't realize things until it's too late. Too bad the heroin diet isn't an option. I don't want to fuck up my life that badly (again).
It's not that I feel so dramatic as to throw myself off of something high. I just fell a comfortable ease and a longing for shadows. It's familiar and welcome. I'm thinking of slipping into something comfortable with webbed stockings, painting my nails black...hiding myself for a while in my personal tomb..giving birth to something awful and mysterious.
The eve of the DNC and static electricity in the air. Watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, I felt sure that something dreadful was going to happen. It was the same feeling driving home tonight, but much closer to home. As if something with inky black tentacles was lurking in the drain, thinking how nice it would be to eat something young and tender. Not me of course, for I'm neither young nor tender anymore. I'd marry it and help it feed. (smile)
It's the rain and this afternoon's procurement of Gerard Way's "The Umbrella Academy" that's put me in this lovely mood. And they say I wouldn't love Seattle. I feel like knitting some black, webby garment and watching something haunting. I wish I had Donnie Darko. (I did once, but I threw it away after a particularly painful inful break-up. Stupid. Well, I figured I wasn't going to live too long, so what was the use of hanging onto material possessions?) I feel like painting in blacks and greys so heavy with water, they just drip down the canvas like tears. I feel like creating something subtly disturbing.
After a few martinis, I don't really feel like spending a thousand bucks on a personal trainer was the right move. Eventually, I hope, I'll be rail-thin like I used to be. I miss those days. Funny how you don't realize things until it's too late. Too bad the heroin diet isn't an option. I don't want to fuck up my life that badly (again).
It's not that I feel so dramatic as to throw myself off of something high. I just fell a comfortable ease and a longing for shadows. It's familiar and welcome. I'm thinking of slipping into something comfortable with webbed stockings, painting my nails black...hiding myself for a while in my personal tomb..giving birth to something awful and mysterious.
The eve of the DNC and static electricity in the air. Watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics, I felt sure that something dreadful was going to happen. It was the same feeling driving home tonight, but much closer to home. As if something with inky black tentacles was lurking in the drain, thinking how nice it would be to eat something young and tender. Not me of course, for I'm neither young nor tender anymore. I'd marry it and help it feed. (smile)
8.04.2008
hopeful in Hell
I just keep hoping that someday, somewhere, like on the train or in a bookstore, that someone will see me and fall completely in love. And then, we'll go off together and live a crazy rock star life together.
Another Day, Another Hell
The city smells like refuse again this morning. My stomach feels like I swallowed a lead balloon; bloated, nauseated, heavy. The wafting scent of dumpster isn't helping me much in the battle against vomiting. But, I've got to find coffee somewhere. That's the first step to feeling moderately bearable. Despite the fact that I woke up moments before I stepped off the train, I still have the presence of mind to try for someplace, anyplace but Starbucks. I imagine myself a hero for the small business owner and for groggy people around the country, "fighting for your choice in morning coffee". I discover my new breaktime hangout. They're independent, they're friendly, and their list of veggie sandwiches is as long as my arm. My only regret is holding this scone instead of a nice bagel. I'm not much for sweets, but I'm hoping the food will calm my churning innards. That is, if I can bring myself to eat it.
I get to the office and realize that I've forgotten my key. I can see the red-haired admin inside the reception area, so I knock on the window. She's oblivious. My office, off to the side, usually has one woman in it who never unlocks the door or turns on the lights. So, I knock on that window, thinking that if she's in there and she doesn't answer, I'm going to give her a piece of my mind. She irritates me anyhow. Eventually, I am rescued from my lost-puppy look in the hallway and someone opens the door. There's nobody here in the office. When I check the calendar, it looks like I'm going to be the only one in my department today.
Soon, I think that Mexican woman is going to come. She sells tamales and burritos door-to-door in the building. The same woman used to do the same thing in my last building, the one I was in before I changed jobs. There are only tamales on Friday though. They cost half as much as the burritos, but she knows I'll buy. I always buy, if she's got something vegetarian. But, since she knows I'll always buy, she always brings something vegetarian. She even extends me credit, because I rarely carry cash.
Cash...that's right. I need to get some so I can pay my bills...I need to call my storage and tell them not to auction off my furniture. I have a lot of crap to do today. My stomach doesn't think apricot scones are a good idea.
I get to the office and realize that I've forgotten my key. I can see the red-haired admin inside the reception area, so I knock on the window. She's oblivious. My office, off to the side, usually has one woman in it who never unlocks the door or turns on the lights. So, I knock on that window, thinking that if she's in there and she doesn't answer, I'm going to give her a piece of my mind. She irritates me anyhow. Eventually, I am rescued from my lost-puppy look in the hallway and someone opens the door. There's nobody here in the office. When I check the calendar, it looks like I'm going to be the only one in my department today.
Soon, I think that Mexican woman is going to come. She sells tamales and burritos door-to-door in the building. The same woman used to do the same thing in my last building, the one I was in before I changed jobs. There are only tamales on Friday though. They cost half as much as the burritos, but she knows I'll buy. I always buy, if she's got something vegetarian. But, since she knows I'll always buy, she always brings something vegetarian. She even extends me credit, because I rarely carry cash.
Cash...that's right. I need to get some so I can pay my bills...I need to call my storage and tell them not to auction off my furniture. I have a lot of crap to do today. My stomach doesn't think apricot scones are a good idea.
8.01.2008
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