Breezy In Hell

First, my new car smelled like new car. I liked it that way until I realized that "new car" really smells like chemicals and plastic. Then, after leaving a coffee mug (that I thought was empty) in the cupholder for forever, my car smelled gross. It smelled like moldy coffee. >gag< Once I threw out the grody coffee cups, my kitty died. So, then my car smelled like dead cat.

But now? Well, ever since I put this thing in:



My car smells like fresh baked cupcakes!!!!!! Which totally fuckin' ROCKS! Every time I open the door, I get a yummy, vanilla-y waft of cupcakey goodness. Oh, God it's fan -friggin-tastic!! <3

Fresh Hell

Things I'd rather do than be at Dad's company "picnic":

1. Plucking my eyebrows
2. Cleaning the litter box
3. Eating glass
4. Stabbing myself in the eyeballs
5. Giving John McCain a blowjob
6. Categorizing varieties of pocket lint
7. Burning my fingerprints off
8. Wetting myself on live television
9. Teaching Linsey Lohan how to behave in public
10. Having a vaginal infection

IWBIH 8

She sat in front of a row of expensive liquor who's bottles glistened like exotic jewels. The bartender who looked like Pete Wentz handed her a six-toed kitten and a slice of pizza.

IWBIH 8

...of course the name and phone number were bogus; just for show. The number actually went to an answering machine. If you were meant to get the real message, you knew how to decode the password from the flier. If not...

IWBIH 7

...and it was a good thing too, because Neko wasn't entirely decided on the subject. It could be said that she went both ways, but she was leaning hard to one side lately. She was just about done with them altogether...

IWBIH 6

...She wondered if, eventually, her hatred for her "fellow man" would consume her and drive her to insanity. Already, a burning anger dominated her thoughts whenever she was forced among the masses. She fantisized about the most efficient ways to thin the population. She needed an outlet, a release, before she lost it completely...

IWBIH 5

...most of the girls' names she couldn't remember at first. But, one named Alice made an impression right away. It was hard not to notice how beautiful she was, under that spiky red hair and all of the ink...

IWBIH 4

...Neko went to the sink the next morning and spit out a tooth, along with a good-sized chunk of the inside of her cheek. She wondered how people in the movies made getting hit in the head with a two-by-four look so pleasant compared to the real thing...

IWBIH 3

...being a secret society, The Sisterhood of course had an initiation process. Neko couldn't expand on the details, but it involved getting arrested...

Hell Was in a Movie Last Night (pt. 2)

...The sisterhood was aided, in part, by an ambitious young printer named Max Donahue who ran off propaganda for the girls' clandestine activities on his small letter press. Max had an animal - a crow - in his shop. No one could say that the bird was Max's pet, but it certainly became a mascot of sorts after the robbery...

Hell Was in a Movie Last Night

...Late one night, while vandalizing the windows of a local Rib City eatery, Neko met a blonde woman with dreadlocks. As she would soon discover, this woman - codenamed Spear - belonged to a sisterhood of underground lesbian animal rights activists...