You see, this is why I own an SUV:
It's not because it gets great gas mileage (ha, ha).
It's not because I'm a soccer mom (you know I'm not).
It's not because I love the open road (I'd rather fly).
And let's just set aside the fact that it was free.
The reason I own an SUV is something I like to call "Urban Off-Roading". Just yesterday, I "flipped a bitch" in the middle of a two lane road. It required that I drive up onto the sidewalk for about 20 feet. Just after that sweet maneuver, I plowed down some suburban landscaping in the neighboring yuppified strip mall. Every time I pull up to the liquor store, I leave tread marks on the curb.
On the back of my out-dated gas guzzler, I have several bumper stickers, which read the following:
"I hate everyone, please make a note of it."
"Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver"
"Same nightmare, different day."
and a Happy Tree Friends beaver that says, "Be Afraid".
Dangling from the rearview, I have a small collection of air freshners:
Devil girl with a martini in hand (my brother says it reminds him of me)
Black Cat (ala Emily The Strange) that says, "Bad Kitty"
Devil Kitty surrounded in flames reads, "Devil"
none of which do any actual "air freshening" anymore.
On the dash is a sleek black kitty bobble-head.
Flames on the seat cover. Flames on the steering wheel.
You bet it's one bad-ass ride! So, when I cut you off in traffic to the uber decible screams of My Chemical Romance and a hand from the window gives you the "one finger wave", just smile and say, "I know that chick."
11.29.2005
11.15.2005
Virtual Hell
Of all the god-forsaken things for me to get involved with! It's not bad enough that I've got two blogs and excessive Yahoo! groups, not to mention email and research. Now I had to go and get a Neopet!! What the fuck was I thinking!? I guess, deep down inside, I miss my Tamagochi.
In case anyone else out there has fallen into the same trap, I'm "chibirisu666" and my pets are "Samshoa" the bat creature and "Rockoa" the demonic goat creature. Maybe you can help me figure out what to do now. Sheesh.
In case anyone else out there has fallen into the same trap, I'm "chibirisu666" and my pets are "Samshoa" the bat creature and "Rockoa" the demonic goat creature. Maybe you can help me figure out what to do now. Sheesh.
Punching My Way Into Hell
I hope you're all enjoying my random brainwaves. It helps to have an input device away from a computer, but text messaging must be short and simple. Hopefully, that adds charm. If not, oh well. (and by the way - "he" turned out to be a roadie.)
In keeping with my strategy of only falling in love with characters and objects, I have a new object of affection. Over the weekend, some friends and I got together to do a little scrapbooking. I know what you're thinking, it seems like kind of a "stay-at-home mom" kind of hobby. However, while my cropping companions were deftly organizing photos of birthdays and easter egg hunts, I was pasting together a colorful montage of blurry concert photos. Having caught up with that scrapbook, next month's project will be my scrapbook about death. It doesn't go over very well with my friends when I spend the whole time mumbling about how much I detest children and Christmas. Hmf. But if they couldn't handle it, they wouldn't be my friends.
Back to topic here...my new love. The host of this month's cropping party also happens to be a rep for Creative Memories. She had a bunch of their products available for our use (subtle, but effective), one of which happened to be a set of paper punches in star shapes. Gasp! I lifted the device tentatively at first. Heavy. I examined it briefly to determine how it operates. Grasping a crisp sheet of mounting paper, I slid its edge into the slot of the device. When I was confident that the paper was well positioned, I pressed down firmly and swiftly on the five-pointed knob. There was a moment of hesitation. Then, I removed my sheet of paper. Okay, that's kind of nifty ~ a star shaped hole in my paper. For some reason though, that's not what got me juicy. I set down the perforated page and, like a kid watching a majic trick, I lifted the paper puncher. Underneath, perfect and delicate, was a brightly colored star. It shone up at me and my heart throbbed. Oh star-shaped paper puncher, how I love thee! You punch me and I see stars. You "click" and the world is a precious galaxy
In keeping with my strategy of only falling in love with characters and objects, I have a new object of affection. Over the weekend, some friends and I got together to do a little scrapbooking. I know what you're thinking, it seems like kind of a "stay-at-home mom" kind of hobby. However, while my cropping companions were deftly organizing photos of birthdays and easter egg hunts, I was pasting together a colorful montage of blurry concert photos. Having caught up with that scrapbook, next month's project will be my scrapbook about death. It doesn't go over very well with my friends when I spend the whole time mumbling about how much I detest children and Christmas. Hmf. But if they couldn't handle it, they wouldn't be my friends.
Back to topic here...my new love. The host of this month's cropping party also happens to be a rep for Creative Memories. She had a bunch of their products available for our use (subtle, but effective), one of which happened to be a set of paper punches in star shapes. Gasp! I lifted the device tentatively at first. Heavy. I examined it briefly to determine how it operates. Grasping a crisp sheet of mounting paper, I slid its edge into the slot of the device. When I was confident that the paper was well positioned, I pressed down firmly and swiftly on the five-pointed knob. There was a moment of hesitation. Then, I removed my sheet of paper. Okay, that's kind of nifty ~ a star shaped hole in my paper. For some reason though, that's not what got me juicy. I set down the perforated page and, like a kid watching a majic trick, I lifted the paper puncher. Underneath, perfect and delicate, was a brightly colored star. It shone up at me and my heart throbbed. Oh star-shaped paper puncher, how I love thee! You punch me and I see stars. You "click" and the world is a precious galaxy
11.09.2005
One Hell of An Idea
I now have a "mobile blog" to which I can post from my cell phone. Yay. Now I can get into a wreck while posting from the highway! Whoooo Rah!
Hell-a Cool Phrase
Here's a word that my little brother and I have recently adopted into our regular vocabulary. "Chillax". It was taken from the movie "Final Destination 2" and it's a combination of "Chill" and "Relax". It's nifty, doncha think? Use it in a sentence? "I really need to go home and chillax."
Yeah, I know the posts are piddly today. But, I'm so damn upset about everything else that I can't articulate properly regarding them. The Avalance will come soon enough...don't you worry.
Yeah, I know the posts are piddly today. But, I'm so damn upset about everything else that I can't articulate properly regarding them. The Avalance will come soon enough...don't you worry.
11.02.2005
Like A Bat Out of Hell
Hey, wanna see something wicked-bad? Neko got a wild hair for some ink on Halloween and got herself tattooed. It's been way, way too long since Neko went under the needle. Now Neko's got an evil bat creature perched on her shoulder. Freakin' cool!
I've decided that I'm going to fall in love with random things, instead of real people. The way I figure it, if I direct all of those intense feelings at an object, or a movie character, I won't sandblast anyone foolish enough to fall into a relationship with me. My flavor of the moment is the main character in High Tension. Fuckin' A!! Not only is she a dyke, not only does she masturbate at the beginning of the movie, but she's a tough-ass psycho bitch. Love, love. love! I've never been so horny during a horror movie in my life. Is it wrong to bust out the vibrator while someone on screen is being shredded to bloody pulp with a gas powered circular saw? Oh, and did I mention she's French? Fuckin' A!!
I've decided that I'm going to fall in love with random things, instead of real people. The way I figure it, if I direct all of those intense feelings at an object, or a movie character, I won't sandblast anyone foolish enough to fall into a relationship with me. My flavor of the moment is the main character in High Tension. Fuckin' A!! Not only is she a dyke, not only does she masturbate at the beginning of the movie, but she's a tough-ass psycho bitch. Love, love. love! I've never been so horny during a horror movie in my life. Is it wrong to bust out the vibrator while someone on screen is being shredded to bloody pulp with a gas powered circular saw? Oh, and did I mention she's French? Fuckin' A!!
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