With a chilling "Snnnooooccchhhkkk! Phoo!!" the mucus monster stirs finally from its humid and murky cave. For what seems like years, the beast has been hybernating; waking only to injest various elixers and liquid diet. Now I understand why the Creature from the Black Lagoon was so pissed off. It's hard breathing through a layer of mucus all the time - like a human swamp cooler. My head feels like a walnut. Just crack the fucker open already and get it over with. Ick.
I've been in bed all week, sleeping most of the time. I had horrible nightmares of not being able to breathe. I had soup after soup, glass after glass of OJ. And, no, I'm not better. I feel like someone's sitting on my chest all the time. Get off you bastard and let me breathe. I think half the reason I came in to work today was to show everyone how miserable I am. Just so they don't think I'm faking. And if I get lucky, they'll all get it too and come whining to me, "Is this what you had? God, it sucks. I feel so sorry for you." Hee hee.
Now I get to go home and crawl back into the murky cave, shrivel up and die for a while. No phone calls please. No I can't come out to play. I feel like I could fill the worlds oceans with my own mucus. Eeew...how can the human organism produce so much of the stuff?! I coughed up what looked like SpongeBob earlier today, except a little greener. I'm so delirious that I almost started talking to him. Not a good idea Neko. You must keep them thinking that you're normal. Not insane! Not insane! Not me. No, no, certainly not insane....
1.27.2006
1.13.2006
1.10.2006
The Talons of Hell
Normally, I'm not into "girly" things. I don't like trying on clothes. I don't like "chick flicks". I don't usually wear makeup. Heals make me cringe. And, I've never had a manicure....until now.
Once, I had a pedicure and it was a huge waste of time and money for me, as was the tanning salon. So, I thought that having my fingernails done would be a similar experience. That is, until my mother showed me her hardcore reinforced talons of doom! She revealed to me a set of fingers with prismatic tips, barely worn away after 3 weeks! I asked her if she ever uses her hands, because I'm always doing something with my fingers (that's not what I meant, pervert). She said, "always". She also described how her natural nails have a tendancy to flake apart. I examined her digits closely, under the bar room half-light. She has just the tips of her nails added and then a layer of acrylic painted over the whole shebang.
For some, I suppose the whole manicure thing isn't such a big deal. Maybe it's not quite the marvel I think it is. But, I realized, after speaking to mom, that I might have possibly found the solution to my own nail problem. My nails have a tendancy to break where they're still attached to the skin. Then, a little corner pops up; a sharp little scratchy point of nail. That little scratchy thing catches on every piece of fabric or strand of hair and tears. It tears away little by little, bleeding where it pulls free of the tender skin underneath. Every time I go to brush the hair from my face, the pointy thing scratches and jabs at me. Fucking painful torture! I've tried clipping and filing, but it never works.
So, yesterday, I went and got myself a fancy shmancy maincure! It looks so great! It is taking some getting used to though, but I can still type (obviously) and function. So, does this mean I'm girly now?
Once, I had a pedicure and it was a huge waste of time and money for me, as was the tanning salon. So, I thought that having my fingernails done would be a similar experience. That is, until my mother showed me her hardcore reinforced talons of doom! She revealed to me a set of fingers with prismatic tips, barely worn away after 3 weeks! I asked her if she ever uses her hands, because I'm always doing something with my fingers (that's not what I meant, pervert). She said, "always". She also described how her natural nails have a tendancy to flake apart. I examined her digits closely, under the bar room half-light. She has just the tips of her nails added and then a layer of acrylic painted over the whole shebang.
For some, I suppose the whole manicure thing isn't such a big deal. Maybe it's not quite the marvel I think it is. But, I realized, after speaking to mom, that I might have possibly found the solution to my own nail problem. My nails have a tendancy to break where they're still attached to the skin. Then, a little corner pops up; a sharp little scratchy point of nail. That little scratchy thing catches on every piece of fabric or strand of hair and tears. It tears away little by little, bleeding where it pulls free of the tender skin underneath. Every time I go to brush the hair from my face, the pointy thing scratches and jabs at me. Fucking painful torture! I've tried clipping and filing, but it never works.
So, yesterday, I went and got myself a fancy shmancy maincure! It looks so great! It is taking some getting used to though, but I can still type (obviously) and function. So, does this mean I'm girly now?
1.09.2006
Change is Hell
What the heck happened to Shenry's blog? It's all kinds of gay-ass colors in horrible combinations ala Pacific Sunwear window display. My eyes burn! Change it back! Change it back!!
1.03.2006
Hellish New Year
Hello. I'd like to warn any potential viewers against the content of this post. If you want to read a post about 3 intelligent orphans and their brushes with an evil count, I'm sure there's one on the next blog over. There's still plenty of time. But, if you like to read about a complete stranger and hear her whine about her pathetic life, you've come to the right place.
The first thought that sprang to mind on the morning of January 1st, 2006 was that I'd like to kill myself. I don't think it had a whole lot to do with where I woke up or who I woke up next to. After all, I could have done worse. Mystery solved anyway. I don't think it was lack of medication, and I wasn't hung over either. But, for some reason, I was really depressed and I haven't been able to shake this feeling since.
It's not that I didn't have a good time on New Year's Eve. I went to a bar with Shenry, The Silver Queen and the Anti-Shen. It was a fairly quiet evening, at least the way I remember it. I remember that, for what I think may be the very first time, I had a whole bunch of fun with Silver. I've always enjoyed her company before, but somehow this time we really clicked. That was cool. I also remember that I was waaaay too preoccupied with the waiter. Almost to the point of being rude to my companions, I think. I suck.
Don't worry though. I'm on enough meds not to try to actually hurt myself. So, don't expect to hear about me in the hospital or read my obituary. I've just been thinking about it. A lot.
Really though, what do I have to bitch about? I've definately lived through worse periods in my life. I still have my job and a place to live. I wrote out my resolutions and everything. So, what's my problem. New Year's funk?
The first thought that sprang to mind on the morning of January 1st, 2006 was that I'd like to kill myself. I don't think it had a whole lot to do with where I woke up or who I woke up next to. After all, I could have done worse. Mystery solved anyway. I don't think it was lack of medication, and I wasn't hung over either. But, for some reason, I was really depressed and I haven't been able to shake this feeling since.
It's not that I didn't have a good time on New Year's Eve. I went to a bar with Shenry, The Silver Queen and the Anti-Shen. It was a fairly quiet evening, at least the way I remember it. I remember that, for what I think may be the very first time, I had a whole bunch of fun with Silver. I've always enjoyed her company before, but somehow this time we really clicked. That was cool. I also remember that I was waaaay too preoccupied with the waiter. Almost to the point of being rude to my companions, I think. I suck.
Don't worry though. I'm on enough meds not to try to actually hurt myself. So, don't expect to hear about me in the hospital or read my obituary. I've just been thinking about it. A lot.
Really though, what do I have to bitch about? I've definately lived through worse periods in my life. I still have my job and a place to live. I wrote out my resolutions and everything. So, what's my problem. New Year's funk?
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