Does Hell Mean Anything?

So what does it all mean?

I went to the crash site today. There were bits and pieces of the vehicle everywhere. Little tiny shreds of something tragic happening. But, what does it mean that I found a scrap of the auto with my initials drawn on it? What the fuck?

Why do I keep seeing my brother's birthday everywhere? It was on an episode of Ugly Betty. It was a time stamp on one of the crime show episodes. The pint of half and half in the fridge expires on my brother's birthday. What the fuck does that mean?

Am I just seeing all of these things because he's dead? Where they there before, but I never would have noticed? I don't believe in Heaven. I don't believe in Hell. I don't believe in God or Satan. Although I have a preoccupation with the pop culture depictions of the devil, I have no actual belief that such a character exists. In fact, I believe strongly that they don't.

However, I do believe in ghosts and a certain level of the supernatural. Contradictory? I don't think so. But, I don't want to get into my spiritual debate just yet. One thing I do believe strongly in is coinsidence. Everything happens because of something else, and maybe if I was acute enough, I could sense the pattern.

So, I feel that the piece of car crash that I picked up today on that road meant something. I just can't figure out what.

Another Good Man Goes to Hell

I know it's been a while since I posted. But, it's been hard times lately. My brother, who was only 17, was killed in a car crash on the 11th. I really loved him and it's really difficult to let him go. Sure, I bitched about him all the time, but that's because I loved him and I didn't want him to be a fuck up like my ex. Well, my ex can never hurt him now. He's free.

The funeral, the arrangements...the police reports, the newpaper....it's all so much to deal with at once. I'd be doing much better if everyone didn't keep fucking reminding me that my brother is dead. I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear, "I'm so sorry" again. Sure, I appreciate all the sympathy and condolences and everyone means well, but, just shut up for a moment. Let me breathe.

If You're Going to Hell, Best to Start With A Good Breakfast

Hell's Enforcement Team

The Hell Generator

Nuh Uh. Ninja Generator. Rock on.

Found it here. I had no idea there were so many of these. They must be easy to create. Wonder if I should have a Hell Generator for Little Tragedies....Nuh Uh!! Beer Label Generator?!...coolness.

The Cute Side of Hell

Ghost, this one is for you, my man.

The Nipples From Hell

I'm fustrated. And restless. And dwelling in malaise.
My affair with the married man is oddly steamy one minute and cold as ice another. It's evident that he's not interested in breaking up his family. And I honestly don't want him to. I'm certainly not ready to commit to a man with children. So, I'm getting to be tired of the whole thing.
The 20-year old I went out with last night (to take my mind off of married guy), was seriously disappointing. I mean, the kid was nice and the movie was decent, but I just couldn't get into anything physical with him. It's strange for me though, because I've never had that problem before as long as I was even marginally attracted to someone.
I just want some good, satisfying sex and it has been entirely too long.
So, because I need something new and refreshing, I've decided that I'm going for the whole "1950's Pin-Up Girl" look, ala Bettie Page. Only, add a slightly gothy, slightly rockabilly twist to it. Maybe a little more like Suicide Girls. I've been teetering on a new style for weeks now, but hadn't quite found anything I thought suited me. But I think I've finally "pinned" it down.
That said, I'm headed off early this afternoon to go and get a haircut. I'm dying the locks black and having it clipped in the style of fetish diva above. Then, I am going to run down and have both of my nipples peirced. I am so bored and sick of everything around me lately that I just need a change. The easiest things to change are me.