I've been to The Book and I snuck off with something. Let's see if I can be clever in 15 minutes.
[x]three names you go by[x]
1. Neko
2. Neko Noir
3. Chibi Risu
[x]three parts of your heritage[x]
1. Italian
2. Greek
3. Whitie
[x]three things that scare you[x]
1. bridges
2. large dogs
3. the words "I love you"
[x]three of your everyday essentials[x]
1. shower
2. liquor
3. masturbation
[x]three things you are wearing right now[x]
1. Black Doc Martins
2. maxi pad
3. coffee stains
[x]three favorite musical artists[x]
1. Beck
2. Bjork
3. Jack White
[x]three favorite songs[x]
1. Helena - My Chemical Romance
2. Vampires Will Never Hurt You - My Chemical Romance
3. Fur Elise - Beethoven
[x]three things you want in a relationship[x]
1. sex
2. sex
3. sex
[x]two truths and a lie[x]
1. I am not fat
2. I am not pretty
3. I am not sober
[x]three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you[x]
1. eyes
2. hair (only the head kind)
3. shoulders
[x]three of your favorite hobbies[x]
1. drinking
2. sleeping
3. imagining devine retribution
[x]three things you want to do really badly right now[x]
1. go home
2. take off my clothes
3. take a shower
[x]three places you want to go on vacation[x]
1. Japan
2. Gerard Way's house
3. Gerard Way's bed
[x]three things you want to do before you die[x]
1. Jump out of an airplane
2. Fuck Gerard Way
3. Fuck Gerard Way again
[x]three ways that you are stereotypically a chick/dude[x]
1. I'm a slut
2. I like cute fuzzy things
3. I'll sleep with your friends and try to steal your s/o
10.28.2005
10.27.2005
Hilarious Every Little Line
I've just been reading Sweat Flavored Gummi (see link to right and down, down, down) and it was all I could do to maintain my composure here at work. They know I'm not working. But not working AND laughing would be pushing my luck way too far. I think I'm in love.
A Hell of a Mood (Part II)
After reading my last post (if you haven't, I suggest you do so now), you might be thinking that the whole process is unfair, that different people have different views and experiences, everyone makes mistakes, and one is entitled to a little indescretion now and again. And you'd be right. That's why the legislative branch of K.A.R.M.A. exists. This branch consists of a board that collectively determines if certain actions require neutralization. It's primary governing guidelines would be the following:
1. "Acts of Stupidity" shall be defined as those which endanger or supremely annoy, unnecessarily, the general population.
2. "Acts of Stupidity" that do not effect individuals outside of the one performing the act will not be considered punishable actions. (i.e. if Idiot Bob forgets which way his front doorknob turns on a consistent basis, although dumb, shall not be considered grounds for termination, because no one else is harmed or inconvenienced by his forgetfulness.)
3. One time "Acts of Stupidity" also shall not be subject to enforcement. It is allowable that each member of the population make a small degree of mistakes during their existence.
4. Only "Acts of Stupidity" that are performed repeatedly , or a habitual combination of stupid bahaviors, shall be grounds for enforcement.
4a. In the event that an individual's "Act of Stupidity" grossly endangers the life of another (as in the bear example) enforcement shall immediately be allowed.
The committee determining which acts will be defined as "gross endangerment" and which acts effect the population adversely, shall be made up of an equal number of males and females who come from different cultures and backgrounds. One culture may view an act as idiotic. However, without the understanding that different perspectives can bring about, it may not come to light that the individual performing the action is doing so according to ignorance of his surroundings, rather than a consious intent to disregard his fellow citizens.
Okay, chew on that for a while, while I get back to work.
1. "Acts of Stupidity" shall be defined as those which endanger or supremely annoy, unnecessarily, the general population.
2. "Acts of Stupidity" that do not effect individuals outside of the one performing the act will not be considered punishable actions. (i.e. if Idiot Bob forgets which way his front doorknob turns on a consistent basis, although dumb, shall not be considered grounds for termination, because no one else is harmed or inconvenienced by his forgetfulness.)
3. One time "Acts of Stupidity" also shall not be subject to enforcement. It is allowable that each member of the population make a small degree of mistakes during their existence.
4. Only "Acts of Stupidity" that are performed repeatedly , or a habitual combination of stupid bahaviors, shall be grounds for enforcement.
4a. In the event that an individual's "Act of Stupidity" grossly endangers the life of another (as in the bear example) enforcement shall immediately be allowed.
The committee determining which acts will be defined as "gross endangerment" and which acts effect the population adversely, shall be made up of an equal number of males and females who come from different cultures and backgrounds. One culture may view an act as idiotic. However, without the understanding that different perspectives can bring about, it may not come to light that the individual performing the action is doing so according to ignorance of his surroundings, rather than a consious intent to disregard his fellow citizens.
Okay, chew on that for a while, while I get back to work.
A Hell of a Mood
Well, it's been one week and 3 days since my last cigarette. I've developed quite a little attitude problem since then. I find myself wondering if this is a permanent personality shift, or if it's only a passing reaction to the lack of chemicals I once inhaled. There's a powder keg of anger and fustration inside me, and this new mood thing has put a short fuse on the little stick of dynamite that is Neko. You can see it in my eyes - a thinly veiled contempt for the world. Not so much the world as the people in it. A seething cauldron of rage just beneath the surface, threatening to erupt and spew lava on the next villager who dares to disrespect the gods. Sure, I've still got the Nicotine gum, but screw the gum. I haven't chewed a piece all week and I don't really care to. Not that the gum is a bad thing. It just takes too much effort. That's right asshole, I'm too lazy even to chew gum.
With that said, I'm not sure if this next idea arose from my new loathing for mankind, or the combination of prescription drugs swimming around in my brain. I've developed the outline for a new secret society. It would need to operate as a highly classified branch of the government. A black ops kind of thing. Deep under cover. Think of it as enforced karma. And it goes a little something like this:
The sole purpose of this organization is to manage the spread of ignorance and decline of common sense in our society. By "manage" I mean to secretly monitor and cull the herd where necessary. Said organization has 3 branches, shadowy mimics of the 3 headed beast that is our Democracy. The first branch would be the legislative arm. The second, enforcement, and the third, judicial.
There would be "scouts" from this organization mingling with the civilian population. I would use the word "undercover", but the whole damn operation is undercover. These "scouts" are keeping watch on their assigned section of the population. When an individual is observed doing something completely stupid...
** Completely stupid, here, means stopping to have a conversation about nothing right in the middle of the damned hallway that everyone else has to walk through. Or, speeding up and weaving through traffic, just to end up at the stoplight, one car ahead of their previous position. Other examples include talking on a cell phone at the sales counter, putting on make-up while driving, microwaving poodles, spitting gum on the ground for someone to step on, putting honey on a child's face just for a good photo op with bears, breaking car windows when the doors are unlocked, using the car horn as a commentary device, rather than a warning device, and so on. More on this later. **
...that individual is "tagged" with a nanobyte. The nanobyte will serve to track the individual and will be so tiny that the subject won't feel it enter their flesh after being forcefully projected from some type of blowgun thingie. Let's call the subject "Idiot Bob".
Now, the scout has done their job. It's time for the judiciary branch to move in. Their job is to monitor Idiot Bob to determine whether or not his bonehead faux pas is the result of an innocent slip up, or a symptom of chronic stupidity. If it is determined that Idiot Bob just messed up this once, monitoring is discontinued and the nanobyte is deactivated via a remote device. The nanobyte decomposes and is passed through the body as waste. The process is slightly less painful than passing a kidney stone.
But, and here's where it gets good boys and girls, if it is determined that Idiot Bob is truly a moronic asshole he is eliminated. As he's exiting Starbucks with his double frapilated half-caff mocha latte in one hand and holding his cell phone with the other, walking to his double-parked, blinding yellow H2 with the oversized tires and unnecessary radio antennae, the "K.A.R.M.A." team will pop up out of manholes, jump out from the shadows, and generally materialize. They will tackle Idiot Bob to the pavement, point their .357 Magnums, in all their matte-black glory, at his head, and send the contents of his skull sailing across the asphalt. (Big grin here)
I've got to stop here and go to lunch. But, I'll be back with more..oh yes, you can count on it!
With that said, I'm not sure if this next idea arose from my new loathing for mankind, or the combination of prescription drugs swimming around in my brain. I've developed the outline for a new secret society. It would need to operate as a highly classified branch of the government. A black ops kind of thing. Deep under cover. Think of it as enforced karma. And it goes a little something like this:
The sole purpose of this organization is to manage the spread of ignorance and decline of common sense in our society. By "manage" I mean to secretly monitor and cull the herd where necessary. Said organization has 3 branches, shadowy mimics of the 3 headed beast that is our Democracy. The first branch would be the legislative arm. The second, enforcement, and the third, judicial.
There would be "scouts" from this organization mingling with the civilian population. I would use the word "undercover", but the whole damn operation is undercover. These "scouts" are keeping watch on their assigned section of the population. When an individual is observed doing something completely stupid...
** Completely stupid, here, means stopping to have a conversation about nothing right in the middle of the damned hallway that everyone else has to walk through. Or, speeding up and weaving through traffic, just to end up at the stoplight, one car ahead of their previous position. Other examples include talking on a cell phone at the sales counter, putting on make-up while driving, microwaving poodles, spitting gum on the ground for someone to step on, putting honey on a child's face just for a good photo op with bears, breaking car windows when the doors are unlocked, using the car horn as a commentary device, rather than a warning device, and so on. More on this later. **
...that individual is "tagged" with a nanobyte. The nanobyte will serve to track the individual and will be so tiny that the subject won't feel it enter their flesh after being forcefully projected from some type of blowgun thingie. Let's call the subject "Idiot Bob".
Now, the scout has done their job. It's time for the judiciary branch to move in. Their job is to monitor Idiot Bob to determine whether or not his bonehead faux pas is the result of an innocent slip up, or a symptom of chronic stupidity. If it is determined that Idiot Bob just messed up this once, monitoring is discontinued and the nanobyte is deactivated via a remote device. The nanobyte decomposes and is passed through the body as waste. The process is slightly less painful than passing a kidney stone.
But, and here's where it gets good boys and girls, if it is determined that Idiot Bob is truly a moronic asshole he is eliminated. As he's exiting Starbucks with his double frapilated half-caff mocha latte in one hand and holding his cell phone with the other, walking to his double-parked, blinding yellow H2 with the oversized tires and unnecessary radio antennae, the "K.A.R.M.A." team will pop up out of manholes, jump out from the shadows, and generally materialize. They will tackle Idiot Bob to the pavement, point their .357 Magnums, in all their matte-black glory, at his head, and send the contents of his skull sailing across the asphalt. (Big grin here)
I've got to stop here and go to lunch. But, I'll be back with more..oh yes, you can count on it!
10.14.2005
What the Hell is Neko Doing
Fucking around with css and html are fun. Maybe I'll relearn all that stuff I forgot over the years. Better yet, maybe I'll learn some new tricks! If all goes well, maybe this blog will start to look halfway decent for a change.
10.13.2005
I Feel Like Hell
| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Neko's Lurgy | |
| Cause: | sporting injury |
| Symptoms: | earache, cloudy urine, inability to turn neck, automatic writing |
| Cure: | expensive biofeedback devices |
Hellbutrin
Long story short (or long story told in short sentences).
Neko wants birth control. Neko goes to doctor. Doctor prescribes birth control. Doctor says stop smoking or die. Neko says allergic to patch. Doctor prescribes Wellbutrin to help quit. Doctor suggests patch. Neko reminds doctor of allergy. Doctor suggests gum. Neko goes home. Neko takes pills.
Neko feels like crap. Neko is nauseous. Neko is dizzy. Neko's anxiety level skyrockets. Neko has lost desire to smoke (mostly). Neko has also lost desire to eat, drink and have sex. Neko has lost desire to masturbate. Neko is not depressed. Impossible to be depressed on so many pills. Miserable, yes, but not depressed.
Neko wants birth control. Neko goes to doctor. Doctor prescribes birth control. Doctor says stop smoking or die. Neko says allergic to patch. Doctor prescribes Wellbutrin to help quit. Doctor suggests patch. Neko reminds doctor of allergy. Doctor suggests gum. Neko goes home. Neko takes pills.
Neko feels like crap. Neko is nauseous. Neko is dizzy. Neko's anxiety level skyrockets. Neko has lost desire to smoke (mostly). Neko has also lost desire to eat, drink and have sex. Neko has lost desire to masturbate. Neko is not depressed. Impossible to be depressed on so many pills. Miserable, yes, but not depressed.
10.10.2005
When Hell Froze Over
Fuckitty, Fuck, fuck! Today is our first snowstorm of the season. First of many, I'm sure, since I live in a crappy state with crappy weather!! NOW I remember why I hate it here so much. It's been snowing all day, all day since before I woke up this morning. Slushy, trees breaking, endless flakes of white pouring and pouring down like...well...something cold and fucking horrible!
At least it's dead at work today. Thank you Columbus. I don't have to walk between buildings nearly so often as on usual Mondays. Of course, that means tomorrow will be double bad. But, for now at least, I'm enjoying the inactivity. I just remembered that they revised the "Employee Handbook" here to include something about not blogging. I've never read the "Employee Handbook", but I got an email about the updates and I remember people asking what "blogging" is. Oh well.
Anyway, I've been cruising around the 'net, hopping from blog to blog. Normally, the only blog I get over to read is Shenry's (find link to right). Reading his blog always makes me want to give up posting here. He's such a damn good writer! After a visit to The Book, my abmition and self confidence withers away like an 80 year old boner when the viagra wears off. But, today I started from his wonderous blog and browsed some of the links that he has to his favorite reads. I found a few gems, particularly one called "gummi" or something to that effect. (will research and post link here) And I realized something important - several of them were fantastic and enjoyable to read, but each of them had an entirely different style. So, now I don't feel so impotent. Maybe it's not that I'm a bad writer. Maybe I just have a different style?
At least it's dead at work today. Thank you Columbus. I don't have to walk between buildings nearly so often as on usual Mondays. Of course, that means tomorrow will be double bad. But, for now at least, I'm enjoying the inactivity. I just remembered that they revised the "Employee Handbook" here to include something about not blogging. I've never read the "Employee Handbook", but I got an email about the updates and I remember people asking what "blogging" is. Oh well.
Anyway, I've been cruising around the 'net, hopping from blog to blog. Normally, the only blog I get over to read is Shenry's (find link to right). Reading his blog always makes me want to give up posting here. He's such a damn good writer! After a visit to The Book, my abmition and self confidence withers away like an 80 year old boner when the viagra wears off. But, today I started from his wonderous blog and browsed some of the links that he has to his favorite reads. I found a few gems, particularly one called "gummi" or something to that effect. (will research and post link here) And I realized something important - several of them were fantastic and enjoyable to read, but each of them had an entirely different style. So, now I don't feel so impotent. Maybe it's not that I'm a bad writer. Maybe I just have a different style?
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