Disregard This Hell

Just don't pay attention to these pics. I'm trying to find a place to host them so I can make a Quizilla. Which is proving to be a complete bitch, by the way.

Helz Buneez

I'm getting more and more into this LOL thing. This one is right up my alley. (Not like THAT, you pervert!) Kurtsy Tha Intarwebs.

Hell is Very Deer to Me

Today, instead of a mountain goat, I feel like a deer. Still pointy-hooved, but more delicate and long-legged. I can't believe these shoes aren't killing my feet. They're lovely. Oh, and no animals were harmed in the making of them either.

Have I mentioned that I'm going to New York next month? I can hardly wait. It will be so nice to get out of here and see the big city again. In the meantime, I've got to get some financial aid lined up for this class I'm going to take at the art school. I'm excited for that two. If there's one thing the death of my brother has taught me, it's that you can go at any time. So, it's best to do what you really want while you can. And, since I'm sick of my life the way it is, I'm trying at least in some meager way to make some changes. If it goes well, this site will kick ass, 'cause I'm going for a web design certification. If I like that, I may take more classes, but I need to work whatever I consider into my work schedule.

Hell Outspoken

My goal for today is to stop talking to myself out loud.

There's another review up at Neko Goes...It's another Cage film.

Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Hell

For all of the clueless guys out there, here are Neko's Tips on what NOT to do when looking for women.

When posting personal ads:

- DO NOT post a picture of your cock. Most of us girls don't enjoy being flashed by strangers.

~ If you act like you're too good for most of the girls out there, most of the girls won't respond.

- When posting your picture, don't use a scan of some Playgirl model - we can tell!

- If the first line in your ad is: "I love big tits!", even the girls with big tits will think you're an asshole.

When looking to hook up in a bar/club:

-The button up shirt / khaki cargo shorts combo is old, boring and rediculous. We actually make fun of guys like you. At least ACT like you have some style, you fucking lemming.

-You're 30 and you still wear a baseball cap everywhere? Here's the message that sends: you're either bald, immature, insecure or a combination of the three. Even if you're hair is all effed up, it's more attractive than that soiled baseball hat. (Unless you're at a baseball game) If you're losing your hair, it's respectable if you've got the balls to work the look. It's not like we wouldn't find out if you took us home.

-If you're so wasted you can't even stand or pronounce your own name...not a good time to hit on chicks. That would be a good time to call a cab.

-Buy us a drink. If we're at a bar, we always want free drinks (why do you think they invented "ladies night"?). It also shows that you're not a stingy bastard.

Well That Went to Hell Quickly

I have actually >gasp< posted a new review up at Neko Goes To The Movies. Holy shit people.

Who The Hell's Gonna Eat That?

Holy crap people! This is the coolest recipe I've seen in ages.
I dare you to make it - I DOUBLE DOG dare you!!

Why The Hell Not?

So, last night went okay. I do still have a few suspicions, but found the experience agreeable for the most part. The food at Earl's was really good. I wonder what their other vegetarian option tastes like. I made sure to order the most expensive drink I could get away with. Neko loves her vodka martinis. I didn't see the guy's car, but he said it's a blue Honda convertable.

Today at lunchtime, we are meeting again. This time, it will be at a coffee shop on Curtis, where it crosses the mall. We are going to go to his office after coffee, which he says is a couple of blocks away. So, we'll see how it goes. If I don't come back from lunch, someone here will notice and freak out. Like I said before, nothing should go wrong, but you never know.

In even stranger news, my cousin called me last night from NYC. He says that he's moving to my city in a couple of weeks. My cousin's behavior and lifestyle is somewhat erratic in the first place, so I never know if his plans will come to fruition or if he will go in another direction. But, he says that he's coming here to live with a friend and get help. He asked if it was okay. I told him that I would love to have him live here! The two of us are very close - despite the actual physical distance. I think we are two halves of the same soul (if you believe in that sort of thing). Anyway, it will be good for him to get out of the city and get the help he needs. It will be good for me to have him around.

Meet Me In Hell

Remember my post about needing a breathalizer on my home computer?
Well, my latest kick is getting wasted and answering personal ads online. What a retard I am. I answer all kinds: men seeking women, women seeing women, "no strings attached", the list goes on. I even puruse the "missed connections" section in hopes that somehow there will be something in there for me.

Tonight I'm going to meet someone. His name is Tom. We are meeting at Earl's restaurant in the Park Meadows Mall. He says he lives about 7 minutes away from that location. He also said that he drives a convertable, but I don't intend to get into it. So, here's the deal. I'm going to post his license plate (given the opportunity) to Neko A Go Go via my cell phone tonight. If I don't post later, saying that I'm okay, then there's something up and I've been abducted, killed, whatever. In other words, "not okay". I don't have any reason to believe that there will be a problem, I'm just covering my ass, just in case. If, by noon tomorrow, I'm nowhere to be found (not at work, not answering my phone) then check the mobile blog. If there's nothing on mobile blog - worry!

It's 11:28 p.m. In Hell

My confession?

I am...so...incredibly...lonely.

And I have been. For a long time. And I will be. For a long time.

A Little Hell In The Alley

I want someone to take me into an alley,
kneel me down,
put a gun to my head,
and blow my brains out through my face.
Yes, that would be lovely.

I Should Be In Hell

I should go ahead and kill myself now, before I get my meds refilled. I'm only mad at my brother because he beat me to it, and I've been trying for longer.

My Family Is From Hell

I've always hated the bullshit between my father and my mother. Ever since I was little, I can remember them not getting along. It's not that they yelled at each other or that one was physically abusive to another. I remember once, distinctly, my father had tried the pick out the perfect necklaces. One of them was silver strands with turquoise beads. He had bought them for their anniversary, wrapped up nicely. I was still in elementary school (so you know, that was a long time ago). She was standing in the kitchen, at the sink, probably smoking a cigarette. My father came up behind her to give her a hug. As he wrapped his arms around her, she shrugged him off. She never opened the presents he gave her. Later, I opened them and they became mine. Later still, they were lost in "The Great Tragedy of San Diego". But the reason I remember so distinctly this moment, is that I felt deeply hurt by my mother's actions. Here he had tried so hard to find something nice for her, and she didn't even open the gift wrap.

Flash forward to the present date. Now that my brother is gone, they're still fighting over stupid shit. Number one gripe on the list is the lack of compromise on a resting spot for my brother's remains. I want to be able to visit him on his birthday, which is the 16th of this month. Every place my dad and I like, my mom hates. Every place that we hate, she seems to favor. It's petty and it's stupid and I'm pissed off because I'm caught in the middle.

I was always caught in the middle. When my mom was having her affair, she used to make me cover for her. She and my father both were pissed off at me when I accidentally spilled the beans and told my dad that we were living with the asshole she now calls "husband".

Tonight, my mother came to the house to look through my brother's things. She callously pointed out, "This is mine, and that is mine..and that lamp belongs to me." On the way out the door, she took a rust colored, knit blanket that has been in this house for over 10 years. It's my cat Toby's favorite blanket, because he thinks he's a ninja when he sits on it. We've been using it to cover up during winter movie nights for years. So, my mother comes along and claims that it's a blanket her friend made for her way back when. I tried to coax her into leaving it where it was.

As she scrambled out the door, my father caught sight of it. He looked at me with a question mark on his face. Now, he's so outraged that she took that blanket that he couldn't even dial the phone to call my grandmother and confirm that it was her creation. He's pissed. He's swearing. And that old, ancient guilt creeps up inside me. "I tried to convince her to leave it" I pleaded with my dad. He rants about how he never should have taken his eyes off of her and how isn't it just like the bitch? I knew there would be conflict the minute she stepped in the door with her second husband and her grandchild right behind her.

I'm pissed at my mother. Her husband and grandchild have no business being in this house. She had no business trying to collect dusty and imagined debts. My father let her in here in good faith and she betrayed it. Just like when he tried to give her that jewelry she never opened.

I'm pissed at my father too. It's a blanket. Sure, it's one we all liked and one my grandmother probably did make. But, it's a blanket nonetheless. It certainly isn't something to give yourself a coronary over. Fucking parents. When this thing with my brother's ashes is over, I hope they never speak to each other again. Hell, the way things are going, I might move out and not speak to either of them myself.

I'm so damn sick of this shit.