Make your own KFC sign at KentuckyFriedCruelty.com
1.30.2008
1.29.2008
Making a Racket in Hell
Am I wrong in thinking that all American men who watch women's tennis are perverts? I mean, here are these atheltic women, in short skirts, sweating. When they hit they ball, they're all, "ooohh! Uuugh! Aaaah!" How many female tennis players have posed for Playboy now? I'm willing to bet that it's 5 or more.
No disrespect to the players themselves. They must obviously love the sport and they've put forth the hard work and training that it takes to get to the Australian Open, or Wimbelton. No easy task, I'm sure. And if they want to make some extra cash by gettin' nude in front of camera, then why the Hell not? Shit, more power to 'em! If I had a body like Maria Sharapova, you bet I'd take it all off for a solid chunk of cash. (Heck, I'd do it now, but people are more likely to pay me to leave my clothes on.)
In the two week lull prior to the Super Bowl, it seems like there's not much on TV sports-wise. My dad's been watching the Australian Open (men's and women's). I couldn't help but get the impression that he was getting aroused by the female matches. Shudder. I was so disgusted! Granted, I haven't been terribly fond of men in general since my breakup with Mr. Assface. It just seems like anything with a penis is scum. Rotten bastards...maybe it's a self-defense mechanism. Like, I'm on a man-hating rampage because subconciously I'm repelling anything I'm afraid might hurt me?
Well.....this isn't bad.....isn't bad at all...
1.28.2008
Useful Tips from Hell
This is a great idea, as long as you can find someone willing to cover you in duct tape.
1.21.2008
Hell and the Crochet Hook
I've been knitting for a while now. Granted, I've only really done scarves and a few hats that looked like pillow cases. But, it's been several years since I started. I used to knit only in the winter months. Lately, I've been so into hand crafting that I may make it a year-round hobby.
Years and years (and years) ago, my grandmother, who is an expert with the crochet hook, tried to teach me the skill. I guess I was just too young to get too into it or maybe it's because my grandmother has always lived hundreds of miles from me. It's hard to learn things like that long distance. However, this past holiday, when I went to visit, I demanded that she give me another chance to learn to crochet. This time, perhaps because I have experience with yarn now, I took to it like a fish to water.
Presenting my newest foray into crochet:
In case it's hard to tell from the pictures, it's a scarf! (yes, another scarf) I made the pompoms myself too! I like to call it 'cranberry ice' because of the colors. I really love the nice cranberry red color I found. The only problem I enountered was that I had to switch between colors quite often. So, instead of cutting the old yarn and making a knot to join it to the new color, I tried carrying the colors up the side of the scarf. The problem with that is, if you can tell from one of the pictures, it made little loops along one edge. It looks okay, but I imagine that there might be a problem with those loops catching on things once I try to wear it. I need to consult an experienced crochet person for help with that in the future.
While knitting will always be my first love, I enjoy picking up a new skill whenever possible. Crochet seems sort of angry compared to knitting. I can imagine myself steaming mad and crocheting miles of material while I tell someone off, or vent. I need to relax while I knit. However, I picked up a book of delicate lacey crochet patterns while I was in Cali and those seem to require much more concentration. If I ever figure out the friggin' lace doiley I'm making, I'll post up a pic of that too.
P.S. If you put your mouse over one of the pictures in my slideshow above, the picture will expand so you can get a better look!
Years and years (and years) ago, my grandmother, who is an expert with the crochet hook, tried to teach me the skill. I guess I was just too young to get too into it or maybe it's because my grandmother has always lived hundreds of miles from me. It's hard to learn things like that long distance. However, this past holiday, when I went to visit, I demanded that she give me another chance to learn to crochet. This time, perhaps because I have experience with yarn now, I took to it like a fish to water.
Presenting my newest foray into crochet:
In case it's hard to tell from the pictures, it's a scarf! (yes, another scarf) I made the pompoms myself too! I like to call it 'cranberry ice' because of the colors. I really love the nice cranberry red color I found. The only problem I enountered was that I had to switch between colors quite often. So, instead of cutting the old yarn and making a knot to join it to the new color, I tried carrying the colors up the side of the scarf. The problem with that is, if you can tell from one of the pictures, it made little loops along one edge. It looks okay, but I imagine that there might be a problem with those loops catching on things once I try to wear it. I need to consult an experienced crochet person for help with that in the future.
While knitting will always be my first love, I enjoy picking up a new skill whenever possible. Crochet seems sort of angry compared to knitting. I can imagine myself steaming mad and crocheting miles of material while I tell someone off, or vent. I need to relax while I knit. However, I picked up a book of delicate lacey crochet patterns while I was in Cali and those seem to require much more concentration. If I ever figure out the friggin' lace doiley I'm making, I'll post up a pic of that too.
P.S. If you put your mouse over one of the pictures in my slideshow above, the picture will expand so you can get a better look!
1.18.2008
Hell's Little Bookworm
"Maybe I'm the one. Maybe I'm the one..who is..a schizophrenic psycho." ~ Puddle of Mud
I've got to stop going to the damned bookstore. It's like an addiction and I keep spending money!! Oh well. I'm still doing okay for the week and books aren't a bad thing to spend your money on (unless it's a romance novel). Just imagine what my friendly Barnes and Noble checker thought when I meandered up to the register with this book and this one.
Whoa Nelly! What a combination. This probably got my name on some wierd government list somewhere. Let's just hope they don't cross reference this with my pornography purchases! (shifty eyes)
I've got to stop going to the damned bookstore. It's like an addiction and I keep spending money!! Oh well. I'm still doing okay for the week and books aren't a bad thing to spend your money on (unless it's a romance novel). Just imagine what my friendly Barnes and Noble checker thought when I meandered up to the register with this book and this one.
Whoa Nelly! What a combination. This probably got my name on some wierd government list somewhere. Let's just hope they don't cross reference this with my pornography purchases! (shifty eyes)
Fumar Con El Diablo En El Inferno
I finally did it! I quit smoking!! I've been trying for years, but this time I think I've finally kicked the habit. It's been seven weeks since I touched a cigarette. I used the patch. 2 weeks on the 21mg patch, 2 weeks on the 14mg patch (you're supposed to step down), about a week on the 7mg patch and then I just started forgetting to put the patch on at all. Yes, it's true that I've tried quitting before. I did cold turkey for a year and a half several years ago. I quit for 3 months last time I tried the patch. So, what makes this time any different?
It's my attitude that's different. and my mental frame. Before, when I saw someone with a cigarette, my cravings were ravenous. It was all I could do not to tackle the person and rob them of their nicotiney goodness. Now, I see a smoker, think for a minute and then arrive at, "Oh yeah, I used to do that." Smoking now has the connotation of a lifestyle long since left behind. In a way, I feel a little like a traitor, leaving my cancer sucking brethren behind. But, I can sit right next to my mom or be in a room with my dad while one of them lights up and not feel any cravings. I realize now how awful I must have smelled with all that smoke clinging to my clothes. My breath probably suffered too.
I can breathe much better now, it's true. I can jog a little ways and not drop dead. I still have the smoker mucus thing going on in the mornings though. Can't wait 'til that goes away. The most amazing thing though; I was on the shuttle this morning and realized that my mind wasn't racing a mile a minute like it used to. Either it's a good day today or that's another side effect of quitting.
Seriously though, even if you can't quit smoking, it's still healthier and less expensive to be addicted to the patch. The way I figured it, I was saving $10 a week by not buying cigarettes. Course, I was a pack a day smoker at $5/pack. The patch also lets you absorb the chemical through the skin, so your lungs don't suffer. Plus, you don't have to go outside in the freezing-ass cold to light up. Groovy.
So anyways, yay for me!
It's my attitude that's different. and my mental frame. Before, when I saw someone with a cigarette, my cravings were ravenous. It was all I could do not to tackle the person and rob them of their nicotiney goodness. Now, I see a smoker, think for a minute and then arrive at, "Oh yeah, I used to do that." Smoking now has the connotation of a lifestyle long since left behind. In a way, I feel a little like a traitor, leaving my cancer sucking brethren behind. But, I can sit right next to my mom or be in a room with my dad while one of them lights up and not feel any cravings. I realize now how awful I must have smelled with all that smoke clinging to my clothes. My breath probably suffered too.
I can breathe much better now, it's true. I can jog a little ways and not drop dead. I still have the smoker mucus thing going on in the mornings though. Can't wait 'til that goes away. The most amazing thing though; I was on the shuttle this morning and realized that my mind wasn't racing a mile a minute like it used to. Either it's a good day today or that's another side effect of quitting.
Seriously though, even if you can't quit smoking, it's still healthier and less expensive to be addicted to the patch. The way I figured it, I was saving $10 a week by not buying cigarettes. Course, I was a pack a day smoker at $5/pack. The patch also lets you absorb the chemical through the skin, so your lungs don't suffer. Plus, you don't have to go outside in the freezing-ass cold to light up. Groovy.
So anyways, yay for me!
1.17.2008
How To Look Busy In Hell
I could have sworn that I'd posted since that "squirrels and poppyseeds" thing. I returned day-before-last from California. That was interesting. You'd think I'd have a huge pile of shit on my desk to work on, but no. Just as boring as ever. So, I wrote a move review for I Am Legend (you know where to find it by now, I hope) and applied for a new job. Since I'm stuck here for another 45 minutes, I might as well post some tripe.
Neko's Guide to Looking Busy at the Office:
1. Always walk quickly, like you're in a hurry to get somewhere.
2. Try to look tired and stressed out. It helps if you furrow your brow alot and grumble quietly to yourself.
3. Carry a piece of paper, an envelope or a folder wherever you go.
4. Type up your movie reviews in MS Word, so it isn't readily apparent that what you're doing isn't work related. Cut and paste into Blogger when done.
5. Keep a pile of papers and files at your desk. Periodically rearrange them, so it looks like some progress is being made. It's the same technique you tried to fool mom with when you didn't want to finish dinner.
6. If you're going to socialize, make friends with someone on another floor.
7. Make up bullshit projects for yourself, like reorganizing the archives in the basement or highlighting employees names on the phone list with different markers depending on which department they're in.
Just some of the highlights of my week. If you're reading this blog, chances are that you have already learned how to get away with goofing off at the office.
Neko's Guide to Looking Busy at the Office:
1. Always walk quickly, like you're in a hurry to get somewhere.
2. Try to look tired and stressed out. It helps if you furrow your brow alot and grumble quietly to yourself.
3. Carry a piece of paper, an envelope or a folder wherever you go.
4. Type up your movie reviews in MS Word, so it isn't readily apparent that what you're doing isn't work related. Cut and paste into Blogger when done.
5. Keep a pile of papers and files at your desk. Periodically rearrange them, so it looks like some progress is being made. It's the same technique you tried to fool mom with when you didn't want to finish dinner.
6. If you're going to socialize, make friends with someone on another floor.
7. Make up bullshit projects for yourself, like reorganizing the archives in the basement or highlighting employees names on the phone list with different markers depending on which department they're in.
Just some of the highlights of my week. If you're reading this blog, chances are that you have already learned how to get away with goofing off at the office.
1.07.2008
Hell's New Flavor
Okay. So I've decided that these are the new things I'm into:
poppy seeds
squirrels
appliques
buttons
I'm going to collect squirrel things now. Lots of squirrel things. I wonder where I can get a 2008 squirrel calendar.
I'm flying out to California on Friday. More travel! At the end of the month I will have been all the way from the East Coast to the West Coast. This time, I'm going to a funeral. Mom's side of the family. I don't really like anyone on that side. I hate her husband, who I'm going to have to endure, painfully, for 5 days. My mom wants to stick me with her brother, who I haven't seen nor heard from since I was 13. Not happening. I'll get a freakin' hotel if I have to. At least I will get to see the ocean and maybe shop for some cool buttons and vintage stuff. maybe.
poppy seeds
squirrels
appliques
buttons
I'm going to collect squirrel things now. Lots of squirrel things. I wonder where I can get a 2008 squirrel calendar.
I'm flying out to California on Friday. More travel! At the end of the month I will have been all the way from the East Coast to the West Coast. This time, I'm going to a funeral. Mom's side of the family. I don't really like anyone on that side. I hate her husband, who I'm going to have to endure, painfully, for 5 days. My mom wants to stick me with her brother, who I haven't seen nor heard from since I was 13. Not happening. I'll get a freakin' hotel if I have to. At least I will get to see the ocean and maybe shop for some cool buttons and vintage stuff. maybe.
iHell Envy
Oh man. I want an iPhone bad. Every time I see one, I start to salivate. When I rub one off, it's the iPhone's gleaming surface I dream about. It begs you to touch it. So smooth, black and techno-geekery *swoon*! I've just about had it with Sprint anyway. They just keep making up bogus charges for me.
"Uh yeah...that's the, um....cat owner's tax and video blog accessing fee."
"But I don't have a video blog."
"Yeah, but you need that package to send text messages."
"Crap!"
"There's also a one-time phone cussing fee of $5.00 for each seperate swear word."
And then there's the fact that if you're a little late with your bill, you can't access your invoice on their website. That makes it so you can't see what they're charging you for until after you've paid for it. Plus, I'm supposed to have a plan that only costs $39.99 a month. Instead, I'm paying $125.00 twice a month?! How the Hell did that happen?? I've investigated and it's hard, really hard, to get any answers from anyone.
That little fact coupled with the newest development make the time ripe for change. Over the past 5 days or so, some psycho (or psycho machine) with nothing better to do has been calling my phone in excess of 20 times a day. There are never any messages left and nobody answers when I pick up the call. I asked customer (dis)service and they told me to call the police. The police told me to call customer service. Fucking figures, don't it? So, it's time to change my number anyway.
I'd run right out and satisfy my burning desire for an iPhone right now except that you have to have the latest version of iTunes to jumpstart your phone. My computer at home doesn't have the version of Windows I need to support the latest version of iTunes. Fuck, fuck and double fuck! What must I do??
...P.S. if I get a new phone, AT&T is going to have to check my credit, which might look bad when I try to get a car loan in 3 months.
"Uh yeah...that's the, um....cat owner's tax and video blog accessing fee."
"But I don't have a video blog."
"Yeah, but you need that package to send text messages."
"Crap!"
"There's also a one-time phone cussing fee of $5.00 for each seperate swear word."
And then there's the fact that if you're a little late with your bill, you can't access your invoice on their website. That makes it so you can't see what they're charging you for until after you've paid for it. Plus, I'm supposed to have a plan that only costs $39.99 a month. Instead, I'm paying $125.00 twice a month?! How the Hell did that happen?? I've investigated and it's hard, really hard, to get any answers from anyone.
That little fact coupled with the newest development make the time ripe for change. Over the past 5 days or so, some psycho (or psycho machine) with nothing better to do has been calling my phone in excess of 20 times a day. There are never any messages left and nobody answers when I pick up the call. I asked customer (dis)service and they told me to call the police. The police told me to call customer service. Fucking figures, don't it? So, it's time to change my number anyway.
I'd run right out and satisfy my burning desire for an iPhone right now except that you have to have the latest version of iTunes to jumpstart your phone. My computer at home doesn't have the version of Windows I need to support the latest version of iTunes. Fuck, fuck and double fuck! What must I do??
...P.S. if I get a new phone, AT&T is going to have to check my credit, which might look bad when I try to get a car loan in 3 months.
1.03.2008
Muddled In Hell
Agh. I've got to get my head straight. There's so much clutter and garbage blocking my flow of chi, or whatever. There are so many ideas that I'm ultra excited about, but it's like I'm running in several different directions at once. If the voices in my head would just get in line and take turns yammering at me instead of all clamboring at once for my attention, it would help. Effing voices. Christ, can you believe this is me without the methamphetamines?!
I have returned from my trip to NY; the second trip this year. The weather was remarkably fair compared to what it could have been. The worst we got was a bit of rainy drizzle. Much better than the weather that burried everything in snow at home. Once again, I was a bit disappointed with my city experience. I am always thinking it's going to be like the once time I went and had loads of fun. But, it's getting to be more and more of a letdown each time. I blame that on lack of planning on my part and tragic lack of companionship, but not on the city itself. I met my cousin's roommate, who was impressive and just a tad bit charming. Why aren't there guys in this state like that? Why do all the men in my hometown suck? Fuck this place.
My family is another story entirely. They're so great to be around for about three days and then it's just fucking irritating. Everyone's always griping at each other, just like my fucking childhood. Uh. Holidays bite hard.
So, here's basically what I did in New York:
went to a NY Islanders game (that's hockey)
went to a comedy club
learned how to crochet
finally went to MoCCA
had 2 knishes to make up for not having one last time
went to a friends-of-the-family party
chatted with (i.e. endured) my remaining kin
rode the subway by myself
went to Brooklyn
got a bunch of cool presents
had some good Italian food
experienced the Heaven-on-Earth of a real Italian pastry shop
went to the beach to hunt shells
During the first half of the trip, you couldn't wrestle the camera out of my hands. The second half, I was so jaded by everything that I took no pictures at all. And my cousin? Well, I only got to see him for about one extremely depressing hour. There may be pictures forthcoming, but I can't promise anything.
So, I'm still getting into the swing of the new year and being back at home and work. I missed my kitties terribly though and I'm happy to have their furry faces to stroke again. But, like I said, there's so much I want to get into, but can't seem to decide on anything. It would be perfect if I was quadruplets.
I have returned from my trip to NY; the second trip this year. The weather was remarkably fair compared to what it could have been. The worst we got was a bit of rainy drizzle. Much better than the weather that burried everything in snow at home. Once again, I was a bit disappointed with my city experience. I am always thinking it's going to be like the once time I went and had loads of fun. But, it's getting to be more and more of a letdown each time. I blame that on lack of planning on my part and tragic lack of companionship, but not on the city itself. I met my cousin's roommate, who was impressive and just a tad bit charming. Why aren't there guys in this state like that? Why do all the men in my hometown suck? Fuck this place.
My family is another story entirely. They're so great to be around for about three days and then it's just fucking irritating. Everyone's always griping at each other, just like my fucking childhood. Uh. Holidays bite hard.
So, here's basically what I did in New York:
went to a NY Islanders game (that's hockey)
went to a comedy club
learned how to crochet
finally went to MoCCA
had 2 knishes to make up for not having one last time
went to a friends-of-the-family party
chatted with (i.e. endured) my remaining kin
rode the subway by myself
went to Brooklyn
got a bunch of cool presents
had some good Italian food
experienced the Heaven-on-Earth of a real Italian pastry shop
went to the beach to hunt shells
During the first half of the trip, you couldn't wrestle the camera out of my hands. The second half, I was so jaded by everything that I took no pictures at all. And my cousin? Well, I only got to see him for about one extremely depressing hour. There may be pictures forthcoming, but I can't promise anything.
So, I'm still getting into the swing of the new year and being back at home and work. I missed my kitties terribly though and I'm happy to have their furry faces to stroke again. But, like I said, there's so much I want to get into, but can't seem to decide on anything. It would be perfect if I was quadruplets.
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