Go To Hell

Everyone seems to want to piss me off lately. It's as if my list of associates has been gnawed on by a crack addicted beaver and there are very few people I'm still willing to speak with at this point.

"Van" is history. He took me out to see Land of the Dead weekend before last. When he called, I was eager to go because I'd just gotten back from New Orleans and was bored as Hell. Not only did he not tell me that he was bringing a friend, but the friend he chose to bring was someone that everyone knows I've had a crush on for about half my life! After the movie, the three of us went to a bar. The band sucked, the crowd sucked and the conversation was like a dead crack addicted beaver. The only good point was that I heard some great jokes from the bartender. I love jokes, especially dirty ones. Anyway, all Van talked about was how many cocktail waitresses he's gone out with and showed me a bite mark on his inner arm! He first said that he'd gotten the mark from another girl, and later changed his story....twice! Well, he can fuck off.

Next on my shit list is Bugs (who will heretofore be referred to as "the step"). This past Saturday night, I went out with her, her roommate, and another friend of theirs. It was like a weak-ass version of Sex in the City. Well, the step's roommate and friend (whom I'd never met prior) are both incredibly stuck up. We went to one bar and stood around like sheep. The three of them dressed identically, while I stuck out like a crack addicted beaver at a tuna convention. Not my kind of bar, not my kind of crowd. After last call, our group headed back to the step's posh new digs. On the way, I heard a guy say, "nice pants" to me and I responded with, "you wanna take them off me?" Consequently, each girl in the group now had a male escort back to the apartment.

The step always tells people that she is studying to be a lawyer. To my knowledge, she is actually studying to be a travel agent. Her roommate is apparently studying to be an anesthesiologist. So, the conversation was all about politics. One girl just sat in the corner and said nothing to anyone. One of the guys passed out on roommates bed. After he was kicked out, he left the apartment, and as far as I know, was picked up by the cops, because he was never found.

Let me get to the point of this little story. In the step's brand new, posh, downtown luxury apartment there exists one piece of furniture. This piece of furniture is a brand new beige couch, which I'm told cost in excess of $900. Roommate went on and on about how I was not to cause any damage to her precious couch. I assured both her and the step that they had my word no harm would come to the sole inhabitor of their living room. That should have been enough.

One of the fellows (not the one with the pants comment) and I were doing a little making out on said couch, but I had in mind that before anything messy went on, I would move us to the floor. Well, the roommate absolutely flipped out! I mean, really went gonzo. So, the step starts bitching me out! At one point, I said, "Yes mom." to her, as an attempt to hint that she was crossing the line. She responded, "Yes mom, nothing. This is my house!"

I've made up my mind not to speak to her again until the scabs on my elbows (where the skin rubbed off on her hardwood floor) heal. #1: Unless you can site specific examples of past indiscretion, my word should always be good enough. #2: I was incredibly humiliated and embarassed. #3: Never, ever pull rank with me!! Ever!!

So, the step can kiss my ass too. And her friends will never again have the pleasure of my company.

Let's see, who else pissed me off? Did I mention that my father took all my stuff, crammed it into plastic grocery bags and dumped it in the basement? That's another post unto itself.