Vent Thine Hellish Spleen

Dear Asshole,

Yeah, you in the big, silver, oversized pickup truck. There's something called a "stop sign" that you apparently aren't aware of. It's red and white and shaped like an octagon (that's a shape with eight sides). Printed on the sign is the word "STOP" in big white letters. Yes, that's what those are. With me so far? Well, when you see one of these "stop signs", you are supposed to take your foot off of the pedal that makes your truck go fast (the accelerator) and put your foot on the pedal that makes your truck stop (the brake). You are supposed to stop your truck before you reach the sign. Do we understand the "stop sign" now? Do we??

Next, we'll learn about something called a "crosswalk". That's when there are white stripes painted on the street. People are supposed to walk across the street where those stripes are and you're not supposed to run them over. If you hit someone with your truck while they're walking on the "crosswalk" because you haven't stopped at the "stop sign", then you get in big trouble. You might even go to jail. Of course, the person you hit might just get up and smash your pin head through your own effing windshield. Yes, that might happen too.

It's a good thing that, this morning, when you failed to stop at the stop sign and I was in the crosswalk, you didn't hit me with your truck. I guess you didn't hear me yell, "Way to stop at the stop sign you f'ing asshole!!!!" before you drove off. It's too bad there wasn't a brick handy, because I would have made sure you stopped. You probably couldn't hear a thing over the noise of the huge engine under the hood of your absurdly large and most likely gas guzzling vehicle. Being behind the wheel of such a monstrosity only serves to accentuate the impression that you may be compensating for the inability to please a woman due to the horribly inadequate penis with which you were endowed at birth. The equation works like this: the larger and more unnecessary the truck is, the smaller the penis must be. Every remotely intelligent woman is familiar with this. So, unless you're trying to pick up other men who are similarly ill equipped, you might try something in the way of a hybrid or a Mustang.

I'm sure you must have been in a hurry this morning. There must have been a sale on magnifying glass and tweezer sets down at the Small Package store. I'm sure that killing someone with your truck wasn't much of a concern compared to that. Stopping at the crosswalk could have cost you a precious second or two anyway and we can't afford to be late, now can we? It's so lucky for you that I didn't get much of a look at your face. Then I'd know you if I saw you on the street. Then you might find yourself choking on your own reproductive organs. Thank God for small favors. I would if I were you. Asshole.

Fond Regards,

Neko