Does Hell Mean Anything?

So what does it all mean?

I went to the crash site today. There were bits and pieces of the vehicle everywhere. Little tiny shreds of something tragic happening. But, what does it mean that I found a scrap of the auto with my initials drawn on it? What the fuck?

Why do I keep seeing my brother's birthday everywhere? It was on an episode of Ugly Betty. It was a time stamp on one of the crime show episodes. The pint of half and half in the fridge expires on my brother's birthday. What the fuck does that mean?

Am I just seeing all of these things because he's dead? Where they there before, but I never would have noticed? I don't believe in Heaven. I don't believe in Hell. I don't believe in God or Satan. Although I have a preoccupation with the pop culture depictions of the devil, I have no actual belief that such a character exists. In fact, I believe strongly that they don't.

However, I do believe in ghosts and a certain level of the supernatural. Contradictory? I don't think so. But, I don't want to get into my spiritual debate just yet. One thing I do believe strongly in is coinsidence. Everything happens because of something else, and maybe if I was acute enough, I could sense the pattern.

So, I feel that the piece of car crash that I picked up today on that road meant something. I just can't figure out what.

Another Good Man Goes to Hell

I know it's been a while since I posted. But, it's been hard times lately. My brother, who was only 17, was killed in a car crash on the 11th. I really loved him and it's really difficult to let him go. Sure, I bitched about him all the time, but that's because I loved him and I didn't want him to be a fuck up like my ex. Well, my ex can never hurt him now. He's free.

The funeral, the arrangements...the police reports, the newpaper....it's all so much to deal with at once. I'd be doing much better if everyone didn't keep fucking reminding me that my brother is dead. I don't want to hear it anymore. I don't want to hear, "I'm so sorry" again. Sure, I appreciate all the sympathy and condolences and everyone means well, but, just shut up for a moment. Let me breathe.