Neko's Cell Phone Cleansing Ritual:
Supplies: 1 scented candle, any pleasing scent
1 bottle of wine
1 wine glass (optional)
1 half pound brick of Chocolate/Walnut fudge,
or substitute 1 large bag of M&Ms, or pint of ice cream
1 movie on DVD (Thelma & Louise or Enough recommended)
or subsitute good friend's phone number
Center candle on small table. Place bottle of wine with wine glass to the right of the candle (to the left, if you're left-handed). Place cell phone in front of candle. Set fudge on lap or to the left of the candle (opposite the wine). Light candle and uncork wine. Pick up cell phone and open your contacts list. Go through the list alphabetically and delete the information for any ex-boy/girlfriend, jerk who never called you, or one night stand. For each name deleted, repeat the following 3 times:
Chant : My memory of you into the trash and on your prick/clit a nasty rash,
I banish you from my contact list, along with thought of our foregone trist.
Follow with three swigs of wine and three bites of fudge for each name deleted.
When the cell phone has been purged, close your eyes and take several deep breaths. Then, extinguish the candle, pick up the fudge and wine, and find a comfy couch or lounging place from which the DVD and television are visible. Start movie and proceed to consume entire bottle of wine and brick of fudge. As an alternative, contact a close friend and bitch for an hour about how much you hate the opposite sex.
2 comments:
uhm, as a card carrying member of the opposite sex, i just wanna say sorry, and were not all bad.
I tried to make my instructions as unisex as possible, but I guess the feminine side shows through. As friends, no, you're not all bad guys. As lovers, yes, you all suck! Try not to take it personally.
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