Neko Visits Hell Again

I knew better. I'd be a lot happier now if I hadn't. Instead, I feel like taking a kitchen knife to my chest and digging out this cursed heart. I fucking hate this shit. I fell in love, like an idiot. And it was, briefly, returned. However, he decided that his wife and kids took priority after all. I agreed with him, despite my selfish desires. I realized how much I liked him, and realized that I don't want him to fuck up his life because of me. So, what could have happened almost happened, but didn't. And I feel like I need to see my own blood again. I need to cut something open, watch it spill out, feel physically what I'm feeling emotionally. I'm at work right now, but there are tears...little, quiet ones. And there's an intense loathing for life and love and I just don't want to feel anymore.