Hellsox

These are my socks today. Why? Because I fucking [heart] Argyle. With those and my little knit skirt there, I should stay nice and warm. Why? Because it's still fucking freezing here. Well, it was this morning anyway and it's supposed to be 68 later on. Crazy-assed weather.

I've only been awake a handful of hours today and already I'm so annoyed I could puke. If you see me walking around with an, "I'm so annoyed I could puke" look on my face, you'll know why. You know, that expression that looks like I was rolling my eyes and they got stuck in the "up" position. This morning, it was finally cozy in my new bed/new apartment situation and of course I had to get up and come to work. Then, I get on the train and the only two people talking had to be talking really loud and just had to be having the most inane conversation ever. The college-aged guy with the spiky hair, the geek glasses and the obnoxious instrument case, but who is terribly uncute despite those three features, was talking about how he went to see Gwar and the lead singer cut off the head of a T-Rex. Then, he went on to talk about how when you're in a Greek place, you order lamb or some such boring, stupid dribble. The girl that was talking to him had one of those quite obviously fake laughs. One of those laughs that screams, "I am pretending that you're funny so I can get laid." And it went on like that for 30 minutes. THIRTY FUCKING MINUTES!!!!1!!!!

I wanted to grab them each by the back of the head and smash their faces together until they suffocate from trying to breathe through the bloody pulp that was once their mouth and nose. I wanted to scream at them to shut the fuck up. I wanted to tell them to just get a room and get it over with. Stupid damn kids.

After I exited the train, I was heading for the drug store and caught an exchange of words behind me. One lady seemed to think that the person on the other end of her cell phone was completely deaf. A lady near her said, "Just shout it out to the world, why don't you?" Cell phone lady had some kind of retort and the response was, "shut up". Naturally, I was all for the "shut up" woman. I wish people would open their mouths against rudeness more. I wish I'd actually said something to the irritating fuck-tards on the train. So many people get away with being discourteous and rude just because the rest of us don't pipe up about it. But, confrontation makes me nervous. Even hearing that brief snippet made me kinda jumpy, which totally contradicts the rage I feel inside on a daily basis.

Maybe I need to take a martial arts class or something; learn how to deal with confrontation. Oi. Maybe after I unpack my things and settle in.

Pictures From the Pit of Hell

Ugh. Have I always been this hateful? Every morning, I despise everyone I see to the point that my stomach churns. Waking up every day has gotten to be like the pain of birth - from the child's perspective, not the mother's. Have you ever stopped to think what a traumatic experience being born must have been? And yet, none of us remembers it. Maybe we're all blocking it out. Fucking torture anyway.

So, yesterday I went to get a salad and had a detestable experience waiting in line. I've got to figure out how I can live my life with the most minimal contact with other humans as possible. On the other hand, maybe it's just this city or just this country that sucks. I still hold out hope for the rest of the world. America is going to crash and burn and we all deserve it. Oh, wait...there was a point....yeah, the purse. I managed to snap, at the end of my long wait in line, a shot of another hideous handbag It isn't loaded with shiny buckles and formed out of animal skin, but it's gross nonetheless. Behold, in all it's horror:



And did I tell you about the guy on the bus a couple of weeks ago? Oh man. It was all I could do not to laugh hysterically. Let this be a lesson to everyone out there to embrace their true body size and shop accordingly (or at least dress accordingly):



Did you pee just a little? I did. Freakin' hilarious! I feel a little better now.

Oh Hell, You Di'nt!

I can't believe I haven't posted since that ridiculous crush on my stupid boss (Well, he's not really stupid, but anyway). I am so over that...ish. Life has been a crushing weight lately though. I got into a huge fight with my alcoholic father over the weekend. So bad that I left the house in tears and went apartment shopping the very next day. I'm waiting to hear back about the place. How long does it take to do a damn credit check?! Bastards. Keeping me in suspense. grumble. grumble.

To cheer myself up, I thought I'd post some more horrible fashion blunders! Yay!
This morning, I saw this guy:



I first noticed him because he had a little bird tattoo on his hand. Then, I started looking at his crotch. Poor guy must be lacking some equipment because I couldn't see so much as a ruffle in that area. And THEN I noticed that he's got mad VPL going on (follow the gun). I didn't think guys could have visible panty lines (I'm calling them Manty lines)! Hee hee. Let that be a lesson to all the Hot Topic Emo fellas out there - if you're going to wear tight pants, skip the boxers! Sadly, that's probably going to be the highlight of my day.

Some time ago, I was out for pizza with Mom when I ran into this monstrosity:



What is the deal with women and their gia-normous purses these days? Not only are these things large, they're normally some type of imitation animal hide and covered with chrome buckles and plates. What an eyesore, not to mention you could probably fit a body in there...

More Vomit from the Oriface of Hell

Ugh. As if it wasn't bad enough that I had to wake up this morning in the first place, I had to see these on the bus on the way to work:



These shoes are horrendous. Well, they could potentially be worse, but they suck pretty bad. It's as if someone ate some camo and some Pepto and puked all over her feet. If you can tell from the picture, the shoes are basic canvas slip-ons with an unholy pattern of pink plaid. What makes them really suck though is the odd buckle strap thingie on top. Far from being functional, the gruesome "decorations" has those square studs you find on a Hot Topic emo-kid belt on them, only they're pink. They don't work with the pattern of the material, they don't hold the shoes on, and they don't do much for my eyeballs at 7:30 in the morning.

They would have matched the poor excuse for a jacket that I saw earlier on a middle-aged woman seated across from me on the train. I didn't snap a picture of it, but it was basically a mock denim jacket in pink. Where do I begin? First of all denim jackets are not cute. They may have been popular on tween girls back in the 80s, but that fashion should stay in the grave along with legwarmers. Secondly, instead of being an authentic denim jacket, it was a crude and nauseating imitation of denim. Get it straight people - denim belongs on your legs and ass and nowhere else. Thou shalt not wear denim in jacket form, hat form, shoe form or skirt form - ever. And the most cardinal sin of them all? Overalls. Unless you're 4 years old or a farmer, nobody should even consider a pair of overalls.

Whee. More examples of poorly dressed people next week.

Hell and The Fashionista

It seems I hardly blog anymore. I was so focused on Gummi Popcorn for a bit, then I got busy with projects at home. In the morning, on the way to work, is when I get the most inspiration for this blog, but I end up actually working sometimes and then don't get the chance to write. So, the idea gets stale or goes away completely.

However, sometimes they stick because of painful daily reminders - like this one!

I never claimed to be the best dressed person in the world. If I had the money, I would be, but that's not reality. I almost always manage to at least be color-coordinated. All of my cats shed in coordinating colors. I also tend not to buy in to extremely retarded trends like most of the idiots I see walking around out there. So, without further ado, I present, "Fashion Trends That Make Me Want To Choke People":



1. Enormous Bug-Eye Sunglasses. What is the point of wearing sunglasses with lenses as big as salad plates and who decided this looked good? I have a sneaking suspicion that Paris Hilton started this one, which makes me hate it all the more. The vast majority of victims to this awful fashion fiasco are women. Don't these gals realize how ridiculous they look with big, huge fly-eyes on their faces? The funny thing is, these people seem to thing they're ever-so-hot anyway, which just makes me laugh. Sure, it's a disgusted, hateful laugh, but that's as close as I get to mirth these days.



2. Big, Furry Boots. It's summertime/falltime right now. Why are you wearing jean shorts and sheepskin boots that go up to your knees in 80 degree weather? What, your calves get chilly, but not your thighs? Besides, can you imagine what it smells like inside that pair of Uggs? It's hot, your toes are sweaty, and all that sweat is trapped inside a dead animal's skin. Gross, gross, double-gross. This girl actually has a blog about this hideous footwear (which is obviously where I ripped this picture off from).

3. The Half Sweater. Have I bitched about this one before? Can't these people afford the rest of the garment? I could understand if they had knit the sweater themselves and just got tired of it halfway through, but why buy it that way? It's like buying pants that cost $80 that have been purposely damaged. WTF?! Now, I only watch Deal or No Deal when it's on at the gym and that's because it's easier to look at than the time counter on the treadmill. But, Howie Mandel was on Conan a few weeks ago and I was pleasantly shocked to learn that he's got the same aversion to the dreaded half-sweater as I do! Go Howie!! (I believe it was the Sept. 9th show)

I'm out of bitchin' time for now, but trust me, there will be more on this topic. If you're just jonzing for more right now, here you go.

Baaaaaaaaah Hell!

When Neko wears high heels, she feels like a mountain goat, click-clacking around on black, pointy hooves. She would feel like a sexy mountain goat if she were a little more coordinated and not in so much pain. Neko is a lame and unsexy mountain goat. She should have worn stockings this morning so her feet wouldn't rub their skin off on the new faux-leather. However, she hasn't done laundry in forever and her office has lost it's appreciation of her fancy sock collection. Neko doesn't own "panty hose". Mountain goats don't wear panty hose anyway.

Neko has a theory that her method of blogging about herself in the third person is a way for her to distance herself from her emotions. Neko would pay herself for therapy if she wasn't so fucking crazy. She contstantly argues and reasons with herself in her head, even about little insignificant things that don't matter to anyone but her. It's just a way she tortures herself, unintentional as it may be. Neko is looney-tunes.