I made the mistake of watching television. Those of you that know me personally, know that I never turn on the television set unless it’s to then pop in a DVD or switch on the GameCube. But, I do live with someone who watches the thing on a regular basis. If you want an idea of what his tastes are, I can tell you that the Miami Heat won tonight’s game, but I can’t tell you the name of that guy who won on American Idol.
So, I’m watching Leno tonight, ‘cause that’s what was on after the game. Have you seen this Gilette commercial? I couldn’t even tell you the name of the product, except that it was a razor (no shit, Sherlock). But, the ad plays like a bad porno. Right stage, enter “scientist girl”. She’s wearing knee-high black leather boots, and a very short lab coat with apparently nothing underneath it. The pair of black rimmed reading glasses and briefcase are supposed to make you think she’s some kind of researcher. She walks up to a counter where a good-looking man is waiting and sets the briefcase down. “It’s ready,” she says, because, apparently, this is the best acting job blondie can muster. Open the briefcase and there’s the spiffy new Gilette. Cut to shots of man shaving. Fade back to couple.
Low and behold, blondie scientist girl has shed the glasses, untied her pony tail and his making out with guy’s ear. One final shot of the product and fade to black. I’m thinking, if it hadn’t been “fade to black”, it would have been “wacka-chicka wacka-chicka..bnow, bnow, bnow..” and the scientist girl sheds the lab coat and hops up on the table. Maybe I’m just over-sexed. Maybe I’ve seen too many bad pornos. Whatever the reason, I’m sure that the makers of male hair removal systems could have tried harder. Take my idea for example.
Fade in to a sunshine buttered bedroom. Woman is asleep in bed. She opens her eyes and rolls over to wake her husband. But, much to her surprise, in place of the man she recognizes as her mate, there is, instead, an apparent cave man. She screams, leaps off the bed, still holding the sheets to cover her unrated bits, and whips a can of mace from it’s place in the nightstand. The cave man dives for the bathroom entryway. Door slams behind him. Cave man’s reflection, bleary-eyed, appears in the mirror. We cut to spiffy computer generated diagrams of how our innovative new product (it’s a razor, in case you didn’t catch that) has cool titanium mesh that can sever hairs growing in any direction, blah, blah, blah. An impossibly well manicured man’s hand deposits the product in it’s battery-powered cleaning station. Cut back to the bedroom, focus on closed bathroom door. The door opens slowly and out steps a stunning, well groomed (and quite possibly gay) metrosexual with a big, white smile. Add, for effect, a gush of steam billowing out of the doorway behind him. His smile evaporates as we see S.W.A.T. officers inching toward him with heinous rifle barrels pointed his way. End of commercial. See, that leaves us open for a whole series of these things.
That’s my input on the razor thing. Now on to laundry.
Briefly after Vince Vaughn’s (drool, drool) interview with Jay, another commercial break. This next offensive, five minute piece of crap is for Woolite. A woman is sitting on a white couch with white pillows and white curtains behind her. She’s telling my fellow viewers and I about how much it irks her when she puts a brand new blouse in the wash and it comes out all stretchy and not fitting like it did in the store. My gripe here is not with the product itself, it’s with this woman’s fashion sense. First of all, when I actually decide to purchase clothing, quality is an issue. When you buy something made from chinsey fabric, you’re going to have disintegration of form integrity right away. Also, if the label says “dry clean only” Woolite is not going to cut it. Finally, just because the sign says “4 for a dollar”, doesn’t mean you’re getting a good deal. The thing that really gets me going though, is that this fashion victim is wearing a lavender…..(shudder)…..HALF SWEATER thingie!!!!! Remember my post about that absurd shit?! It’s enough to make me want to reach through the screen and give her an enthusiastic slap on the face. I’m not going to take advice from this woman, and you sure as Hell shouldn’t either!
‘Nuff said. (and all I really wanted to see was a clip from the new Omen movie)
2 comments:
You should seriously pitch your razor add. That idea is golden.
And boo to the Miami Heat. I was rooting for the Pistions.
If you have a connect, I've got a pitch. Let's get this going.
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