Hell's Eye for the Queer Guy

Now that I have a few manicures under my belt, I feel that it's my God-given right to criticize the poor fashion taste of those around me. Here's the second installment of Neko's Opinion On Fashion (remember the half-sweater thing? Hideous.)

Tonight's item of riducule is the "Croc". You know, those plastic, neon colored, sandals that everyone seems to be sporting nowadays? I first saw Crocs marketed as a shoe to wear while tending the lawn or digging up daisies. For that purpose, they seem wonderful. They're plastic, so mud and water are no problem. They seem comfy and easy to slip on; perfect for a quick stroll through the potting soil. They come in a vast array of colors, which are cheery and uplifting.

However, they have sprouted from that seed of goodness into an ugly, overgrown patch of crab grass! Everyone seems to have a pair now, and I bet they got them from that kiosk in the mall. I've seen them on men, women, teens and even children. Whenever a pair is within a hundred yard radius (I have poor eyesight) they send out shafts of light, targeting the most sensitive retna. Piercing pink, electric green, Sunny Delight orange. Aaarrg!! In most cases, they clash violently with fashion victim's apparel. Even worse, sometimes they match all too well with fashion victim's apparel. An entire pink velour jumpsuit (I'll get to those in good time) punctuated by a matching pair of Crocs - almost invariably worn with socks! I'll be so relieved when this trend is buried.

Now that it's springtime, I don't think my hopes of trodding on the plastic sandal trend stand a dandelion's chance. What happens when you sweat in those things? Sure, they have large, gaping holes precut all over them, but I hardly think that they serve much ventilation. Sticky, smelly, neon foot fetish, that's what.