This was written last night. Due to technical difficulties, it was not posted until this afternoon.
I’ve made the mistake (and I was doing SO WELL) of getting all clingy and freaky in an email to Seven. Neko is a stupid-ass. Neko needs to up her meds. Neko is now sloshing her brain about in a glass of cognac in order to put a stop to it. I’d been thinking about him all day (trying not to) and really hoping for a positive email from him. The email I got was a little toward the luke-warm side. And so, my response back was of the knee jerk variety. “If you’re not interested, just SAY SO”. Fuckin’ A.
But, I got a surprising reaction. He actually called me ON THE PHONE, and offered me some bit of reassurance. “I’m like a frog, baby. I need to be hoppin’ to and fro on the lily pad of life.” To which I replied, “Pay no attention to the freak behind the curtain.” To which he replied, “It’s cool, baby. See, you’re stuck on the freaky lilly pad right now. You got to be hoppin’. You got to see that there’s a whole bunch of lilly pads.” To which I replied, “Ribbit” and it was all good. Whew. I feel less like burrying myself deep underground now.
One of the things that set me off on the whole instability vibe, was a questionnaire thingie (meme? Momo? Mime?) that I’d sent out as a bulletin on MySpace. Seven responded with his answers. One of the questions was something to the effect of, “Is there something about me that you would change and if so, what would it be?” Seven’s answer to that was, “Can I say?,,,,Hmm..no I can’t say.” So, loopy fucker that I am, the answer sent me reeling. More than anything else, it was the curiosity that got me.
So, I spent the hours at work occupying my mind with possible defects in myself and personality. I don’t even really want to know what his intended reply would have been. But, boring as my day was, I formulated a list of characteristics that someone might possibly find undesireable. Below is said list. Those that are followed by an * are things that I agree with. The items that I agree with AND would be willing to change are followed thusly, **. Strange? Yes. Obsessive? Absolutely! I’ll start from the top and work my way down.
Headspace:
Not educated enough **
Too smart
Intimidating
Ditzy
Opinionated*
Not able to back opinions up with solid facts and references**
Too distracted
Too eager to please
Disinterested
Talks too much*
Doesn’t talk enough
Don’t know what I’m talking about
Don’t know what she’s talking about
Doesn’t like the same kind of music
Musical taste too similar
Not into animal rights
Vegitarian*
Talks about movies too much
Talks about music too much
Crazy*
Clingy**
Needy**
Too distant
Too kinky
Not kinky enough
Wears contacts*
Doesn’t wear glasses*
Facial and other head-related physical features:
Ugly brown hair**
Bad haircut**
Too much grey hair**
Ugly brown eyes
Lazy eye*
Bushy eyebrows**
Thin lips
Chapped lips**
Crooked nose*
Fucked up teeth*
Too pretty
Too ugly
Bad breath**
Tongue too long
Tongue too short
Tongue not pierced*
Nose pierced*
Ears pierced*
Not enough piercings
Too many piercings
Ugly mole
Wicked evil eye*
Looks at me too much
Looks at herself too much
Looks at other people too much
Drinks too much*
Eats too much
Doesn’t drink enough
Doesn’t smoke enough
Smokes too much**
Wears too much makeup
Not enough makeup
Fucked up makeup
Upper body:
Puny arms**
Arms too graceful
Fucked up nails
Nails too long
Nails too short
Nails too red
Scabby elbows*
Arms flailing wildly
Picking nose
Picking ears
Picking ass
Picking underwear out of ass*
Not enough jewelry
Ears aren’t even
Gross thing hanging out of ear/nose/eye/mouth
Blane! (my new word for god, i.e. David Blane) That’s only half of me and it’s a long list. Of course, I’m being silly about the whole thing. Just wondering how many possibilities there are. It just goes to show that there are endless possibilities, so why stress? You’ll drive yourself mad! Don’t want to end up like me, now, do you?
Whew. So, I’m about to go see about filling up my calendar now, getting more toasted and working on my Passion Parties business. Ta.
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