As I walked around downtown this afternoon, my eyes were practically bulging with rage. I just can't seem to tolerate people lately. I swear, only about 10% of people out there don't make me want to gut them on the spot. I do try to find something to appreciate. Whether it's "That girl has a nice smile" or "I dig that guy's shoes", I try to find at least some miniature justification for their life on Earth. How dare I presume, right? It's the fact that I know I'm being a psycho about it that keeps me from trying to slaughter the masses. Of course, the minute anyone tries talking to me, I'm all peaches and cream. It's just your garden-variety urge to slap a moron silly, magnified through the lens of a maddening nicotine craving.
And I was doing just fine this morning. I was relaxing and appreciating how it feels to be free from the shackles of addiction. I was breathing the fresh air and humming sweetly to myself, ala Snow White. Oh well. I've managed to hold out this long. Why not go for the long haul? That was my intention in the first place, but the further I get along this road, the easier it is. I did, however succomb to a half glass of wine last night. Oh, and a quarter package of Dark Chocolate M&Ms. And I did spend fifty bucks on a USB Flash drive that I can't seem to get to work. So, I phuqed up all over the place, except for the cigarette department. I did learn that having a drink still makes it harder to avoid the tobacco, so I guess I need to keep away from it for the time being.
Maybe (I'm thinking) that writing letters to all of the assholes I see everyday would help me release some of the boiling hostility within. Isn't that what shrinks recommend? I'd ask mine if I wasn't avoiding her because I owe her money. Here's the first of many:
Dear Mr. Spit-On-The-Sidewalk Guy;
Wow, that was attractive. I just can't tell you how hot I get when I see a man shoot a loogie onto the pavement. What the Hell makes you think that it's alright to just go ahead and spit there? Is it some kind of "man" thing? I hardly ever see women do that. Is there some kind of macho creed out there that says "because I have a dick, I can pollute the world with my disgusting expactorate"? Do you think the rest of us enjoy walking on your spit? Don't you think that maybe you're spreading your germs all over the place and maybe the spread of the flu and things like that might be reduced a little less if you didn't fucking spit right out on the fucking sidewalk???!!!! If you absolutely, positively, have to spit, find a trash can, a tissue, a handkerchief, an ashtray, a sink, a fur coat, or some other sicko's mouth to do it in. When I see guys like you, I only get one impression. That impression is, "What an ignorant, unattractive, inconsiderate, vile, fucking moron."
I hereby call upon my ancient Greek powers of divine retribution and my cursed Gypsy blood to rain down upon you the following punishment.
May you be tied naked inside a bathtub, filled with the spit of a thousand homeless men.
Yours Truly,
Neko.
2 comments:
you know, you sound like youve spent some time as a cart pusher at sams club 6350. i used to be kinda cool, but the people who shop there have made me a cold cold man who wishes they have a flat on their way home.
It's so hard not to hate them, isn't it?
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