Pointy Hellbows

I'm really not holding up well against the lure of alcohol. Last night I finished off the Fat Bastard and slammed two raspberry Woodchucks. (yes, I know how it sounds) I still, however, did not smoke. I am the calm little center around which the world revolves. Or not. I found out that the USB Flash drive that I spent fifty bucks on is not compatible with my Dad's version of Windows. So, I either have to find a way to upgrade Windows for free (or at least cheaply) or try and exchange the sucker for a different USB drive. Upgrading Windows would be preferable, because the existing version is so old, it doesn't work with anything else either. But, I'll be damned if I'm going to spend money on a new Windows program at the store. Fuck a bunch of that.

I had a target for today's angry letter, but the cunt I sat next to this morning deserves one first.

Dear Lady-On-The-Train-With-Rude-Elbows,

Excuse me. Um...do you think you could not keep jabbing me with your effing elbows, please? I mean, once, twice ~ that I could understand. It's a crowded train. But, consistently for a whole thirty minutes?! You've got to know that you're doing it, unless you have so much disregard for the people around you. So, you want to hilight your stupid book on the train, huh? Well, hows about I hilight the inside of your colin with that thing? Hello, there's someone sitting here! Yeah, right next to you there's a time-bomb of a woman with a boiling hot desire to clobber someone just ticking away in the seat beside you. And what do you do?! You keep effing poking me!! I cannot abide your apparent lack of respect for my personal space. You're lucky I don't just push you off the end of the seat and let you cram your pointy little head into the crotch of that fat guy standing in the isle. Oh, but I couldn't stop there. Once my feet made contact with your brittle bones, I couldn't resist the urge to keep stomping and stomping until they'd need dental records to I.D. your body. So, this is what you get:

I hereby call upon the divine powers of my ancient Greek ancestors and summon the anger of my cursed Gypsy blood to rain down upon you the following devine retribution:

May the smoldering ends of a thousand lit cigars of a thousand careless men be pressed into your flesh until the smell of melting skin forever lingers in your sinuses.

Affectionately,

Neko