Crow Is A Dish Best Served In Hell

It seems that I've got to revise something I posted a few posts back. Remember that rant about how love doesn't really exist? How it's all a fairy tale that never really comes true? Well, I find myself having to eat my words.

I met someone.

He's not just anyone. In fact, if there truly is, as they say, someone out there for everyone, I'm almost completely positive that I've found him. For the purposes of this blog, I'll call him "Spike". The nickname is due to the fact that Mr. Wonderful sports a 12"+ tall mohawk. (*swoon*) We met on MySpace (I'll have to eat crow about internet dating later) and it was amazing from the beginning. Each responding email was full of "ohmygosh, you like...too?" There were movies I didn't think anyone else had seen. There were bands I didn't think anyone else had heard of. And it turns out that not only had he heard of all these things, but he really liked them too. Then came the shocker (hi Shenry). I was scrolling through his profile and noticed something about vegetarianism. I swifted an email, daring to hope for a second, to ask him if he was, in fact, a veggie as well. The answer was "yes" and that's when I knew we had to meet in person.

So, we met and promptly fell head over heels for each other. This time I'm sure it's not a one way street. I'm sure there's no lie behind his eyes. No doubts. I won't say that there haven't been fears and that I haven't been afraid. I've wondered, "Can this be for real? Is this one of those dreams where I imagine an entire loving relationship and wake up alone?" I've been frightened by the strength of my emotions. I've remembered how I've been hurt before, cautious about letting myself hope, and afraid that maybe I'm being fooled again. Those feelings have lessened. They're still there, but they're not poking their nasty heads up as often.

We only met a week ago. A little bubble pops up over my shoulder with my therapists face and she says, "Slow down". Spike and I are moving at light speed if you heed the conventional advice. But, I don't think either one of us are conventional people. Something Roach said to me today on the phone gave me courage. She told me that it's okay to say all these things I'm already hoping for. She let me know that when it's right, it's right and fuck all the prohibitive quotations. She's married to the first man she gave herself to and they've been together 10 years. She's someone I'm not suspicious of taking advice from.

So, if you're reading this Spike (and I don't think he is), "yes" to everything. Yes, I want to live with you. Yes, I would consider taking a second chance on marriage. Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't think I've ever been this happy. Have you ever been on such an emotional high that your feelings don't have anywhere else to go except out of your tear ducts? Have you ever cried when someone told you they loved you and you knew they meant every syllable? Have you ever been so certain of something that you'll let nothing get in the way? Right now, that's me all over. You won't see anyone else's name on this blog for a long time. Even if all these hopes and dreams that I'm daring to wish for never come true, I'm in heaven right now and that's what really matters.

Other men? Well, I was seeing a few and a couple of them deserve a sincere apology. First, there's Chucky. Hey, Chucky, I know it's spineless of me to break things off in such a fashion, but that's the way it is. You were sweet and nice and didn't do a thing to make me like you any less. I had fun with you. If you can bear to see me again, I'd still like to go shooting and see your band. But, you've got to know that there's only one man in my heart and that's not going to change anytime soon. I still have your shorts. Want them back? I hate to let you down and I hate to make you feel bad, but that's what I have to do. I should have done a better job of this, but I just couldn't face it. You're a great guy and I wish you the best.

Hello Mayor McCheese. I haven't heard from you in a while and I get the impression that you aren't interested anymore anyway, so I don't feel so bad about letting you know. We had some good times. I hope things are looking up for you and I think you'd be a great friend to have. Maybe you'll keep in touch now, knowing that I don't have any designs on your future. I hope the fish is alive.

That's about it. "Guy from the bank" guy has a phobia of committment and we got along well, but there was never any premise of a future.

So, now there's only one man in my life and I sincerely hope that it stays that way forever. Spike, are you thinking what I'm thinking?